understand your needs and put your well-being first, your future
together has promise. If he or she brushes your concerns aside
as insignificant, or makes you feel inadequate, foolish, or self-
indulgent, you can conclude that this person doesn’t sincerely
have your best interests in mind and you are probably
incompatible.- To make sure your needs are met in the relationship,
whether it is a brand-new one or one of long standing. By
spelling out your needs, you are making it a lot easier for your
partner to meet them. He or she doesn’t need to guess whether
something is bothering you—or what that something is.
The beauty of effective communication is that it allows you to turn a
supposed weakness into an asset. If you need to be reassured a lot
that your partner loves you and is attracted to you (at least in the initial
phase of a relationship), instead of trying to conceal this wish because
it is not socially acceptable to sound so needy, you state it as a given.
When presented this way, you don’t come off as either weak or needy
but as self-confident and assertive. Of course, effective communication
means that you communicate in a way that is inoffensive and does not
put your partner on the spot, but allows them to be open with you
without feeling attacked, criticized, or blamed.
Another advantage of effective communication is that it provides a
role model for your partner. You set the tone for the relationship as one
in which you can both be honest and in which each has the sacred
responsibility to look out for the other’s well-being. Once your partner
sees that you can be so open, he or she will follow suit. As you saw in
chapter 8, it’s never too late to start using effective communication to
improve your relationship. It’s one of the most powerful tools secure
people use in their everyday life, with their partner and kids, and at
work. It can really transform the way you handle yourself with the people
around you.