Attached

style early on. Keep in mind that when you’re excited about someone,
your objectivity is compromised and you tend to create a rosy picture
of him or her. Anything that doesn’t fit into this picture fades into the
background. In the initial stages of dating, however, it’s important to
pay equal attention to all messages coming through and address them
securely. This will help you determine if the relationship is right for you
and ensure it is going in a positive direction.
If you are currently in a relationship, you might already have an idea
about your partner’s attachment style from what you’ve read so far, and
you can use the tools provided in the following pages to sharpen your
skills. Your thinking will shift as well. You’ll no longer ask yourself, “Why
is she always pushing me away?” Instead you’ll say, “It really isn’t about
me at all—she just doesn’t feel comfortable with too much closeness.”
Uncovering your partner’s attachment style will allow you to better
understand the particular challenges that you face as a couple—an
essential step toward using attachment principles to improve your
bond.