Conclusion: Avoidants are in the dating pool more frequently

and for longer periods of time.

• People with a secure attachment style usually don’t go through
  many partners before they find one that they happily settle down
  with. Once things click, they form a long-lasting, committed
  relationship. Conclusion: People with a secure attachment
  style take a very long time to reappear in the dating pool, if at
  all.


• Studies have found that avoidants are unlikely to be in a
  relationship with other avoidants, because they lack the
  emotional glue to stay together. In fact, one study that looked at
  dating couples didn’t find even one pair that was avoidant-
  avoidant. Conclusion: Avoidants don’t date each other; they
  are more likely to date people with different attachment styles.

Now let’s put the pieces of this puzzle together.
When you meet someone new, the probability that they have an
avoidant attachment style is high—much higher than their relative size
in the population—25 percent. Not only are they recycled back into the
dating pool more quickly, but they are not dating one another (at least
not for long), nor are they dating secure people, that much because
secures are less available. Who are they meeting? That’s right: You
and other potential partners with an anxious attachment style.

WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DO MEET

SOMEONE SECURE?

Let’s say you get past the statistical obstacles and do meet someone
secure. Do you realize you’ve stumbled upon a gold mine or do you let
it pass you by? Several years ago Rachel tried to set up her neighbor
Chloe with her acquaintance Trevor—a real (secure) catch. Trevor,
then in medical school, was looking to meet someone new after his
girlfriend of ten years left him. He had been with her from the age of 18
to 28. He hadn’t wanted to break up even though she was always