232 I Can Read You Like a Book
this information “source leads.” We all leak these facts, opinions,
and reactions; they help people bond to us in conversation. If you
don’t do that, then you’re the one at parties who no one wants to
talk to. Artful conversationalists use that information to direct
and manipulate the chit-chat with questions, hints, sighs, and
body language.Exercise
Stand alone at a party, but make eye contact with
someone you know. Give him 30 seconds and
glance again. Does the person come over to talk to you?
As the conversation starts, stay focused on the person’s topic,
all the while nodding your head to affirm that it’s riveting. When
you have gotten most of his information, start to look at your watch
somewhat secretively. What happens to the conversation? Quickly
explain away why you looked at the watch without divulging the
real reason.
Start the conversation back up. You have effectively used regu-
lators to control the conversation. Nodding of the head makes the
person think you are identifying with him and he feels validated. He
will continue.
A second quick glance at your watch makes the person uncer-
tain why, but certain that you have had enough.
While both nodding and checking your watch are regulators,
the use is different. One helps you to connect and the other to repel.