Using Body Language in Your Personal Life 265
that one would call me, but I held my tongue. In a great manipula-
tive move, he asserted that if history is any indicator, many of these
men will be on the streets in the coming years. Similar to many
Vietnam veterans! He delivered a truly high pressure, emotional
appeal to help homeless veterans. How was I supposed to deal
with that one, being a veteran myself? He took me to common
ground, incited my mind in preparation for a pro- or anti-war stance,
and then shifted expectations to something few could argue with.
The ploy was artful.
I turned the ploy back on him by telling him that I was an unem-
ployed veteran. Okay, that’s a half-truth, because I’m actually a
self-employed combat veteran. The conversation ended shortly
thereafter. I choose when and which charities I support and almost
never make those choices on the basis of a phone call.
Although this pressure was on the phone, the same rule applies
when dealing with high pressure in person. You have more signals
and can read the person’s intent and veracity more clearly, but the
full-bodied press is harder to resist. If you do not know the person’s
baseline, ask questions and R.E.A.D. Those questions must be
stress-free so you can ascertain what she does, how she speaks,
where her eyes move while you simply chat. If you know the
baseline, look for indicators. If the person is family or a real friend
(more on that later), and in need of the requested amount or favor,
sometimes personal sacrifice is in order. Do not just give in, though.
You have the tools for uncovering need versus want.
When you decide you are not willing to give in or give up, use
the momentum of the requestor against him. He has specific