NLP At Work : The Difference That Makes the Difference in Business

follows. It is impossible to tell who leads and who follows.

Conversation flows as you understand the meaning and

intention of what the other person says. You appreciate and

respect each other's feelings. It does not mean that you

necessarily agree with everything the other person is saying, but

you understand what they say and why they say it.

Pacing is the next step. It is about respecting the state,

style, or feelings of others. For example, if someone is feeling

concerned, to pace them is to show understanding for that

concern. If someone is having fun, to pace that would be to

enter into that fun with them.

When you match and pace, you create an environment in

which you can lead. This constitutes influence.

Examples of how and when you might want to use rapport

to lead and influence:

❏ In a discussion or interview with someone who is nervous or

hesitant, to help them to relax and open up.

❏ When you want to attract potential customers to your

company, either by face-to-face contact or remotely.

❏ When you want to introduce new ways of working to an

individual or department that has become fixed in their

thinking.

❏ When someone is angry, to help them calm down.

❏ When someone is worried and tense, to help them relax.

❏ When you want to teach a new concept, by relating to what

people know already.

Match, pace, and lead mirrors the martial arts philosophy of

going with the direction of the movement and using the energy

of your partner to take them where you want them to be.

Below are some examples of matching, pacing, and leading

in conversation.

❏ I can picture the new system that we want to develop.

❏ So when you see this system and imagine what it looks like,

what are you saying to yourself?

❏ I feel uncertain about the customer presentation this

afternoon.

296 NLP AT WORK

Pacing

Match/pace/lead