radio can be turned on, transmitting conversations, interviews,
or news, but unless you choose to listen, you won’t hear
anything.
The third level of listening is intentional. Those involved in
personal or intimate relationships—parents, spouses, co-
workers, siblings, or friends—will sooner or later have to
engage in intentional listening.
As a pastor and a licensed counselor, my husband, Roger,
primarily helps people become better communicators so they
will experience more fulfilling, productive, and meaningful
relationships! He loves the unlovely, is patient with those who
make really stupid mistakes—including me—and is a mentor to
hundreds of couples who are either engaged or married. He
regularly teaches the benefits of developing a disciplined,
respectful approach to listening to each other. He calls it
intentional listening.
He teaches couples who are dating, engaged, or married how
to intentionally listen to each other by:
· taking turns talking and listening;
· not interrupting while the other is talking;
· identifying the other person’s thoughts and feelings;
· clarifying what they heard by repeating what they heard;
· asking the other person if they “got it right.”Intentional listening sounds like a lot of exhausting,
clarifying, repetitious work, doesn’t it? But this disciplined
style of listening cultivates deeper, more fulfilling relationships.
My husband also teaches a conflict-resolution system to
premarried couples, reminding them that intentional listening