skills not only are useful in sharing our deepest feelings but
also serve as protection. Effective communication provides
safe methods for not hurting each other with impulsive
accusations, withdrawal, or isolation. Roger firmly advocates
that young couples make every effort to allow discipline to fan
the flame of desire, devotion, and passion in their lives.
Intimacy in any personal relationship, including your
relationship with God, requires that you develop the difficult
skill—sometimes tedious, sometimes frustrating, sometimes
humiliating—of intentional listening. This type of listening is
not a recreational exercise full of laughter and anecdotes. Most
often, intentional listening is used to resolve a conflict or
address another’s hurt or concern. Perhaps that is why many
of us steer away from more serious, transparent conversations
with others.
During an evening church service, one of my pastors shared
a very candid conversation he recently had with God. He told
how it developed during two encounters. In the first
conversation, he heard God say, “You’re a liar and a
manipulator.” It was initially humorous, in a self-deprecating
way. Then he told us, “I told God, ‘No, I’m not really a liar. I
just didn’t want to hurt the person. I just changed a few
details; it was a little thing.’ ” We all kind of chuckled. He
continued his story, mentioning that a few weeks later, while
alone with God, he heard the same words: “You’re a liar and a
manipulator.” (Even writing this story, it sounds so harsh, yet
this is honestly how he told it to us.) During this second
conversation, after hearing God repeat the same comment, my
pastor humbly answered Him, saying, “You’re right. I am. It
was wrong of me. Oh, forgive me.” My pastor told us that after