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Love and Mate Selection:What’s Love Got To DoWith It?

While many social scientists have
added to or renamed these dimensions of
love,the concepts remain essentially the
same as in ancient times.It is generally
accepted that a combination of these four

dimensions are necessary for lasting

relationships.In Sidebar 5.1,the Balswicks

use three of these dimensions of love to

develop four relationship types.

Romantic Love

Mate selection in Western society is

predominately dictated by romantic

love. Recall that early in the history of

America, spouse selection was based

primarily on economic factors—the

ability to support a family, acquisition

of inherited land, and dowry, among

other things. As economic factors

improved, the notion of romantic love

began to grow. During the early 20th

SIDEBAR5.1

RELATIONSHIPTYPES

Complete lovehasanequalproportionoferosorpassion,philiaorintimacy,andagapeorcommitment.

In Western culture,erosor passionate love tends to be predominant early in a relationship, with

philiaorintimacyenteringinnext,andagapeorcommitmentfollowing.InChristianrelationships,

it isimportant for an atmosphereof commitment toprecedepassion andintimacy,allowingboth

togrowtoequalproportionsprior tomarriage.

Self-giving loveishighinagapeorcommitment.Thisisseenmorecommonlyinotherculturesandin

arrangedmarriages.Culturalconstraintstendtofusetheserelationshipstogether.Whileintimacyand

passionmaydevelopintherelationship,theyarenotasnecessarytokeeparelationshiptogether.

Friendship loveishigherinphiliaorintimacy.Rarelydoesfriendshipaloneleadtomarriage;however,itis

anessentialcomponentofagoodrelationship.Manyhusbandsandwivesdescribetheirpartnersastheir

best friends,indicating the importance of emotional companionship.A marriage based strongly on

friendshipmayfacechallengestothedevelopmentofpassion,leadingtodissatisfactioninthemarriage.

Infatuation loveishighinerosorpassion.Manytimespeopledescribeanimmediatepassionandsexual

interestinanotherperson.Thiscanleadtoahastymarriage,whichusuallydoesn’tlast,becausetheother

necessary elements for maintenance of a relationship fail to grow and develop. Fortunately, most

relationshipsthatarepredominatelybasedonpassionburnthemselvesoutbeforeamarriagetakesplace.

Source:Paraphrased from Balswick and Balswick 1999,59–72.

• Agape—unconditional,selfless love
  as personified incommitment;


• Philia—love which characterizes
  friendship,personified inintimacy;


• Eros—love which exemplifies
  romance and physical desire,
  personified aspassion;


• Storge—love which displays a
  natural,familialaffectionfor things
  and people.