1 ... Gabriel Morrisas if I were being dragged along by some aspect of my being that
was desperate to break free, tear down the walls within, and find the
greater reality that lay beyond. There was this ever-present duality
within myself that I sought to resolve: extremes of elation and mis-
ery that kept yanking me around, pushing and pulling me beyond
my limits of understanding, causing me to question what I perceived
as reality.
I read everything I could find relating to the spiritual quest—topics
ranging from death to enlightenment, lucid dreaming, astral projec-
tion, celestial dimensions, shamanism, tantra, yoga, and meditation.
Shortly after moving to Eugene, I had my first out-of-body experi-
ence. I awoke in the middle of an afternoon nap to find myself fac-
ing the ceiling, a few feet away from my face. The realization that
I would see my own body below if I were to turn over, however,
terrified me so much that I didn’t have another such experience until
months later.
I found a good yoga class soon after arriving in Eugene, which
helped me to ground my awakening spiritual power as well as
strengthen both my body and my spirit. As I progressed with the
classes, I felt a space within myself open and fill with light, increasing
my depth of presence and awareness.
I spent much of my first summer there struggling with heavy, con-
flicting emotions, such as anger, fear, and doubt, which I presume
were being stirred in me by all the potent spiritual material I was
reading, as well as the effects of the yoga class. Though I didn’t con-
sciously connect to where these intense feelings were coming from,
I sensed that they were related to my tumultuous teenage years and
my childhood and possibly even deeper, to previous lives, or even
the very birth of my soul. It seemed that I was awakening these trou-
bling aspects of my psyche simply through my intention to confront,
understand, and ultimately heal them.
A few miles outside of Eugene was an expansive, park-like arbo-
retum, which I’d heard from some friends was a beautiful place to