Kundalini and the Art of Being ... 19walk and experience the quiet of nature. One day, I decided to drive
out there to check it out. I was feeling distraught and needed some
time away from the bustle of the small city in which I now lived.
In the course of my walk, I happened to wander off one of the
designated paths and through a meadow filled with grazing cattle. I
came across a lone barn in the middle of the field, which seemed little
used. I poked my head into the barn and saw that it was empty ex-
cept for some hay strewn on the dusty floor. I walked inside, cleared
a small circle in the hay at the center of the huge, hollow structure,
and sat down in the dust to meditate.
This abandoned barn became a routine sanctuary for me over the
next year-and-a-half. Whenever I was feeling lost, confused, angry,
or depressed and had a few hours free, I would simply drive out to
the arboretum and walk to the solitary barn to savor the silence and
stillness. I would sit in the clearing I’d made in the hay and medi-
tate, ponder the mystery of life, or sometimes express my feelings
of anger and frustration in this private, non-judgmental setting. Since
no one was ever around to care—other than a few contemplative
cows—it was the perfect place to let out my troublesome feelings
without bothering anyone.
Once I’d found some level of resolution, I would leave the empty
barn and wander along the paths of the arboretum for a while, marvel-
ing at how much the world around me seemed to have changed once
I’d taken the time to address what I was experiencing, rather than
ignore it. My spiritual focus was instinctively becoming an attempt to
acknowledge and work with so-called “negative” feelings such as an-
ger, doubt, and fear rather than simply denying them when they arose
in my life. Through my experience confronting and integrating them,
I found that these were valid aspects of my own being, with the po-
tential to be transformed if given the chance, rather than something
undesirable or unacceptable to be ignored and pushed away.
In working to transform and align with these negative thoughts
and emotions, I found them to be simply forms of energy. They had
the power either to invigorate or depress me, depending purely on