c h aP t e r 5

A

few weeks later, I experienced yet another dramatic spiritu-
al development. though this one was less disconcerting than
those of the previous weeks. It was again one of my days off,
and all day I had been feeling lousy; though what I was actually feeling
I couldn’t quite identify. It was simply an indescribable psychological
heaviness that stayed with me through the day, weighing me down as
I tried to take care of my chores and go about other assorted business.
As the day wore on, this inner heaviness became more and more
intense. I became incredibly tired, and my limbs began to feel almost
numb. I had a terrible headache and upset stomach and felt extreme-
ly anxious and scattered. It was as if all of my internal energy chan-
nels were clogged up, leaving me feeling...nothing...lifeless. I knew
that somehow I needed to break through and release whatever inner
blockages were keeping my energy level dragged down, but I was at
a loss as to what to do that might help.
Later that evening, I went upstairs to my room to meditate and try
to clear my heavy state of mind. Although meditation was helpful
for me at times, this time I was unable to sort it out simply through
the focus of my mind. I decided just to lie down on my back on my
bed and allow myself to both observe and experience everything that
I was feeling—to fully merge with the blockages rather than seek
ways to escape or deny them. It felt surprisingly good just to relax
into all the subtle feelings going through my mind and body, to sur-
render to the experience and give it my full attention, as apparently
negative as they were.
I lay there for perhaps an hour, unmoving, with eyes closed. By do-
ing this, I was eventually able to penetrate the dense energy and find