others is a high-stakes maitri practice, because when
we start to work with others, somehow they all seem
to end up looking like Juan or Juanita. If we are
wholehearted about wanting to be there for other
people without shutting anybody or anything out of
our hearts, our pretty little self-image of how kind or
compassionate we are gets completely blown. We’re
always being tested and we’re always meeting our
match. The more you’re willing to open your heart,
the more challenges come along that make you want
to shut it.
You can’t do this work in a safety zone. You have to
go out into the marketplace and live your life like
everybody else, but with the added ingredient of not
wanting to shut anything out of your heart. Maitri—
loving-kindness—has to go very deep, because when
you practice it, you’re going to see everything about
yourself. Every time your buttons get pushed is like a
big mirror showing you your own face, and like the
evil stepmother in “Snow White and the Seven
Dwarfs,” you want the mirror to tell you what you
want to hear—even if it’s that you haven’t been kind
or that you’re selfish. Somehow you can even use
your insight into your limitations to keep yourself
feeling all right.
What we don’t want is any unforeseenfeedback
from the mirror. What we don’t want is to be naked,
exposed. We have blind spots, and we put a lot of
energy into staying blind. One day the wicked step-
High-Stakes Practice 191