© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.beyond this shell of inner focus and attend to others. The Truth is that self-interest wins out over
altruism and good intentions every time.
This is not a bad thing. You have to have a certain fundamental level of selfishness in
order to be able to do anything good for others. Ultimately, those people who can establish a
firm sense of “self” in their life, have a much more fully charged battery pack for giving later
down the road. They don’t burn out and die from martyrdom, and as a result, they give a great
deal.
There’s a famous scene in “Wall Street” where Michael Douglas’ character, Gordon
Gecko, makes a speech about how “greed is good.” It’s a pretty convincing argument, and there
are a few points that are true. In the spirit of his speech, I’d like to propose that being self-
centered is good as well. Not to the extreme, but in a way that allows everyone to fully develop
his or her sense of self-esteem and self-confidence. If we were all able to raise our levels of
self-confidence and drop the need for defenses, we would experience much more fulfillment
from our relationships. We would also have much less violence and conflict in society from
those at the extreme edge of dysfunction – criminals and tyrants whose own self-esteem thirsts
for power.
The woman’s self-interest causes her to behave in certain ways. She looks out for her
own safety, foremost. She also looks to determine if you will be able to meet her needs, over the
short and long term. Will you be a good lover? Protector? Provider?
You have to weigh your needs, and also be willing to satisfy some of her questions of
self-interest first. And this will require self-discipline from you.
ADDICTION..............................................................................................................................................
Love is a drug. It’s potent, it’s euphoric, and it is psychologically addictive. With that
addiction comes many of the same effects you see in chemical dependencies. Understanding
this dynamic makes it almost essential that you understand how you can become a dealer
yourself – a Pusher for the best drug on earth.
When you first meet with a woman, you want to give her an exciting, euphoric
experience. You want her to have fun. When you can do that, she will feel a little rush, just
enough to make her feel different. The last ten guys might have brought her to a fancy
restaurant, but none of them raised her pulse by more than five beats per minute. You want to
get her a little excited and tingly. You’ll do this for free the first few times. You don’t need
repayment in sex or immediate pledging of her love. You’re patient. And in between, she
dreams of another chance to get a hit from the Love Bong.
The next time you get together, she wants more of the drug, and you give it to her. More
excitement, more reasons to smile and tingle. She gets a bigger rush from the anticipation, and
you know that she’s starting to really enjoy this stuff. In between your dates (her fixes), she’s
starting to feel a bit jittery, wondering when it will happen again. You didn’t ask for another date,
but she wants more, and the uncertainty of when the next hit will come makes it more visceral
and thrilling.
After a few rounds, our happy little Pusher decides to put a bit more time in between,
and now she starts to get a little anxious, gets a little case of cotton-mouth. “Wh-what?” she
stutters. “What do you mean you can’t go out this Friday? I want ... I need to see you!”