© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.MALE-FEMALE COMMUNICATIONS
This will come as a shock to some of you, but women and men don’t speak the same
language. We have different communication styles, among other things. What you have to
understand is how we differ so that you can control the outcome of the interactions you have,
rather than the interactions controlling you.
How many times have you found yourself in a conversation or argument with a woman
as you felt things go wildly out of control? Something like this:
What was Frank’s big mistake? He overlooked the fundamental principle of male-female
communications. Women talk just to talk. Men talk to solve problems and reach solutions.
(This is covered in much more detail in John Gray’s book, Men are From Mars, Women are
From Venus.) Essentially, men frequently get drawn into arguments with women that are
unnecessary, primarily because they feel that in order to talk to a woman they need to be
interacting and giving advice.
Men are brought up that conversation is an almost aggressive act, a clash of egos. We
call each other names and use talking as a battleground of wills and opinions. We win when
we’ve cowed our opponent into seeing that we are smarter and have more information. Later
the conversations turn into men advising each other on everything from stocks to cars, each
person needing to win by having the best advice – being the know-it-all. Often times, men derive
pleasure from the put-downs and stings to the ego. Even more often, the conversation becomes
a bragging contest.
Women, on the other hand, are socialized to never hurt another girl’s feelings (in her
presence.) They talk about things between them to share information and to just hear their
thoughts out loud. They listen to advice from each other (but not typically from men.) They talk
to share drama and emotion.
Essentially, female talk is currency that they pass back and forth, where men talk with
weapons that are brandished.
Yolanda: “I’m thinking about taking a course in astrology next year.”
Frank: “Do you think you’re going to tell fortunes or something? I’m not sure astrology would be a
good course choice. It’s not practical, and it wouldn’t help for your degree. Aren’t you going into
accounting?”
Yolanda: (shrugging) “I’m not sure yet. I was thinking about going into marketing.”
Frank: (sighs) “Marketing? That doesn’t sound good right now, especially in this economy. You
should stick with your accounting. You’re good with numbers.”
Yolanda: (crosses her arms) “How do you know what I want? Aren’t you listening to me?”
Frank: (raising his voice) “Of course I’m listening! You just told me you want to change your
course over to astrology. And you’re thinking you’re going to change your major.”
Yolanda: (rolling her eyes) “That’s not what I was saying at all!”