© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.The reed that bends does not break.When you are faced with an argument, you must know how to bend – how to let the
argument pass by you, instead of ramming your head straight into it.
Hey, I won’t kid you, it takes a great deal of self-discipline to manage arguments. I still
get drawn into them all the time. But it’s a lot less severe when you can avoid reacting and take
a second to pause and see that the issue is A) usually less important than it seems (way less),
and B) not a personal attack on you, as it often appears.
Feathers ............................................................................................................................................
Watch out for feathers when you get into arguments. Feathers are distractions that will
fluster you and allow her to gain an upper hold, in the same way that ducks throw up a
disturbance of feathers when they’re threatened. Both men and women tend to use them, and
they appear when one person gets close to an insecurity of the other. An example:
Uh-oh. Danny got sucked into Hell, right next to the Eternal Lava Pits Of Pain.
The thing to notice is that most arguments are an abstraction from the real issue a
woman is dealing with. The argument gives her a chance to heat things up and cook them a
little before she pours off the sauce of her discontent. Wanda didn’t care about the bathroom.
Chances are it was just her way of asking for either 1) attention (arguments are often used for
this), or 2) passion and drama. But Danny got carried away. You can sense these kind of
endless no-win scenarios are coming when you hear the words “and besides,” or if the pattern is
to move on to another of her laundry list of problems.
Feathers are thrown up to distract. They usually come up when the woman feels that
they are in danger of losing their point or not being heard. If she feels cornered, she will use
feathers as a way to save face and divert the energy of the argument to some other area. When
Wanda: “I wish you’d clean up the bathroom once and a while, Danny. I’m sick of
cleaning up after you.”
Danny: “I cleaned it last week. Remember, we were going to alternate that chore?”
Wanda: “Well ... I didn’t think we agreed on that. And, besides, you never said you
were going to vacuum, either. I vacuumed the last two times.”
Danny: “But you didn’t even give me a chance to do it. You just grabbed the vacuum
cleaner and did it without asking me!”
Wanda: “I had to do it, because your dog’s hair is all over the apartment. Why don’t
you ever brush him outside?”
Danny: “My dog? You like Buster as much as I do. Why is it my duty to vacuum when
you feel the hair is piling up?!?”