© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.hours. She was so into you that you didn’t need to be all that into her. You didn’t need to care,
and YOU controlled the relationship. You might have even felt a bit smothered. Your stand-
offish-ness was a challenge, and it always kept her wondering if she really had you.
Hmm... “The one who cares the least ...”
So what is this test I’m talking about? As you date, and understand the advice from other
dating men and Don Juans, you know that self-confidence is perhaps the single most
determining factor of how much a woman will respect you. It precedes almost everything in a
relationship, and determines to a large degree what your posture and standing will be with her
for as long as you’re together.
Let’s be real: No one is confident all the time. In fact, most of us lack confidence a great
deal of the time. Does this mean that we’re being a phony when we act confident? No, not at all.
True confidence, in fact, is a bit of a conundrum. You act confident to feel confident, in order to
act confident again and keep it going. It’s a self-reinforcing, upward spiral, if you can get it
started. (See: The Confidence Treadmill.)
However, most women can sense when we’re pulling the “fake-it-before-you-make-it”
approach to confidence. They don’t always know if we’re just showing bravado (which is simply
confidence with little sincerity) or if we’re really confident.
So, here’s how she tests you:
You’re out on a second or third date. You’re both having a good time, and you’re getting
more comfortable with each other, loosening up. You let her know beforehand that you planned
for the two of you to go see a movie, something gender-neutral. She pulls out her Test Card #1
and says, “Gee, Brad, I really think we should go to see that 18th Century romance movie.” Now,
you know from your training that the right thing to do is to be confident and insist on your original
plans. You don’t get mad or react to her. You say, “Gee, Jessica, I don’t mind going to see that
next week, but we’re going to see the movie I planned for this time around.”
In many cases, she’ll give in and acknowledge that this is fair and right. In other cases,
though, she’ll whip out Test Card #2 and start acting pouty. She’ll act as displeased with you as
she can muster, and you’ll start to panic. “What’s the big deal?” she asks. “It’s just a movie.”
She crosses her arms. She’ll hit you with a certain “look,” and your panic will step up another
notch. She may even make a comment about how inflexible you are, or how she likes men who
are “laid back” or “easygoing.”
Most men give in here. It’s hard to handle a woman’s displeasure with you. It triggers all
kinds of panicked reactions, most of them dealing with approval-seeking in general. The trick is
to know that you can take one of two approaches:
1) You can give in - You please her so she won’t be angry with you. You want
to appear flexible and ‘laid back’, so you end up in a theater full of weeping fat
broads, pinning your eyelids open, and feeling like a crappy Budweiser
commercial. She knows that she owns you, and now knows exactly what to do
to get her way. Your ‘confidence’ was a sham. Just hand over your testicles
and join in the weeping.
2) You can stand your ground - With a smile you say, “Okay, we can see your
movie – next week. Tonight, we’re going to see what we planned.” (You’reLoserBoy: Ooh, you
better make up to her
quick! She’s mad!