© 2003 – Carlos Xuma. – DD Publications – All Rights Reserved –
Unauthorized duplication or distribution is strictly prohibited. Visit http://www.datingdynamics.com for more information.APPENDIX III: WHAT SHE SAYS/ WHAT SHE MEANS...............................................................................
This is a sampling of phrases you’ll hear from women, and what they really mean. Use
the interpretations and this understanding to overcome her objections and tests.
- “Do you think I’m fat?” (or similar questions about her appearance)
o Potential Mistake: If your gal has packed on a few extra pounds, it might even
seem like a tempting time to let her know. The error here is that she’s asking you
because she wants to know if she should lose the weight. That’s not why she’s
asking at all.
o Translation: “I’m feeling insecure about myself and I need some reassurance.
My attractiveness equates to a good portion of my self-worth, and I want to know
you still want me.” They see a fat woman, or skinny woman, that calls their self-
image into question. Or, she’s in need of some stroking because Kitty hasn’t
been picked up and petted all day.
o What you say: “No, you look wonderful. Why do you ask?” Add in a little hug and
a caress. Let her know she’s desirable. Then find out what the real issue is. - “Are you a player?”
o Potential Mistake: You immediately think she’s found you out. She knows you’re
one of those men, the Bad Men who seduce women. You feel the collective guilt
of the male gender sweeping over you like an ocean wave.
o Translation: “I’m attracted to you, and I want to see if you can overcome my fear
of being hurt before I go any further.” She’s trying to project her fear onto you by
making you the potentially Bad Man. Hey, she can feel better about ending this if
she thinks you might be a “player.” Also, she sees that you are attractive to other
women, and she’s wondering if you’re just in it to date many women. What she
appears to be asking is not her real question. She’s just voicing her fears.
o What you say: “Actually, I’ve been dating around thirty or forty women this
month. I’m down on my quota for the quarter.” Smirk.
Use humor and deflect. Deflect, deflect, deflect. This is a question you can never
really answer to her satisfaction. If you say “Yes,” you are now a potentially
untrustworthy man. If you say, “No” you still lose, because you failed the test of
proving your confidence in light of her insecurity. She’ll think you’re not really
desirable by other women, and her interest will lower. And, as always, end with:
”Why do you ask?” - “I don’t want to get into a relationship.”
o Potential Mistake: Because she said this, you really think she doesn’t want to
get into a relationship. Sometimes this is true, but you won’t know it from her
words; you’ll see it from her actions and her circumstances. If it’s been a couple
weeks since he dumped her hard, then she probably is telling the truth. Only you
can analyze the situation and see if she’s putting up a defensive screen.