the most comfortable pillows and seating and served
more refreshments. Because of women’s lower sta-
tus and traditional modesty, they can more easily
than men drop in at a neighbor’s or relative’s home
for a short, informal visit. Especially in better off
families or when women do not work outside the
home, they spend a great deal of time visiting each
other’s homes, giving and receiving hospitality.
Failure to return visits or to attend a gathering can
be interpreted as an insult. Gender segregation and
the high value placed on relationships and social
interaction create significant bonds between women.
In addition to informal visits, women, especially
in higher class families, have many opportunities to
entertain groups of women for specific purposes.
Religious and kin-related gatherings provide a
framework for women’s segregated gatherings.
Traditionally, celebrations of weddings or pilgrims
returning from Mecca and mourning rituals are
held separately for males and females, sometimes in
different homes or at least in different rooms of a
home. In mosques too women’s and men’s gather-
ings take place either at different times or in differ-
ent sections. For Shì≠ìwomen these gatherings often
commemorate the martyrdom of Imam £usayn
and his male relatives and the female hostages
taken on the plains of Karbala in present day Iraq
in 680 C.E. Sunnìwomen might host Qur±àn read-
ings and celebrations of the birthday of the Prophet
Mu™ammad and other religious figures. Menfolk
generally permit women to attend such events, and
women can participate in religious gatherings with-
out harming their reputations. Women who arrange
such gatherings achieve a sense of accomplishment
and status. The gatherings are also a source of
enjoyment, food, verbal interaction, social inti-
macy, emotional support, and entertainment. They
are opportunities to spread and gather news, as
well to participate in spiritual and religious rituals.
By the early decades of the twentieth century,
modernization began to have a effect on hospital-
ity, more so in oil-rich Iran than in poorer Afghan-
istan and South Asia. By the 1960s and 1970s many
Iranian females were attending school and working
as teachers and in other employment. The nuclear
family became more important than the extended
family. Girls and women busy with education and
work were not as available to provide hospitality. It
became increasingly expensive to maintain maids,
who had often been poor little girls or perhaps
women from rural areas. Even in poorer Afghan-
istan, Pakistan, and India, middle- and upper-class
females were increasingly occupied with education
and work and less available for home and hospital-
ity work, despite the fact that families expected232 hospitality
them to put the honor and interests of the family
ahead of their own pursuits. Especially in Iran, with
more people working in the modern sector and fast
moving modernization, social gatherings in the
upper-middle and higher classes became integrated.
People began to entertain outside the home. In-
creasingly, rituals and life cycle commemorations
were held in public spaces, with purchased catering
and service. Although the strong pressure to drop
everything to serve a guest remains, a few women
find ways to evade the heavy responsibilities of hos-
pitality. For example, a young woman might inform
her visiting mother-in-law that she has a commit-
ment to go elsewhere. Many women have become
active in mosque gatherings. Places of employment
may have halls available to employees for reason-
able cost.
After the Iranian Revolution of 1979 and the
establishment of the Islamic Republic of Iran,
which emphasizes female modesty and segregation,
the government attempted to reimpose gender seg-
regation. Women’s segregated religious gatherings
in homes and religious buildings became more fre-
quent. Among women in Afghanistan and South
Asia, modernization has been much slower than in
Iran, and women participate in schooling and work
in professions in smaller numbers. But hosting
women’s religious gatherings and segregated life
cycle rituals continue to be significant in women’s
social lives. Afghan females – refugees or victims of
the war with the Soviet Union, internal fighting,
and finally Taliban control – often found movement
beyond the segregated home area severely restricted.
Visiting and providing hospitality became more dif-
ficult. Some brave Afghan women attempted to
secretly create schools for girls in their homes dur-
ing the Taliban period. Some Iranian women meet
at each other’s homes to hold reading and study
groups and strategize to improve women’s lives
under the gender restrictions of the republic.
Hospitality in Iran, Afghanistan, and South Asia
continues to be significant for women and men
alike in spite of restrictive government, warfare,
work and study responsibilities, and economic con-
straints. The desire to provide hospitality, to treat
the guest as God’s beloved remains a main defini-
tion of a woman’s reputation. Women who seek
education, jobs and careers, and a larger circle of
friends and associates and activities may find it dif-
ficult to balance hospitality demands and their own
aims and interests. Whether they provide hospital-
ity for their menfolk’s guests or their female guests,
the great majority of women still feel gratification
and acquire status through their skill in tending to
the comfort of guests.