Guides and Rules of the Road 111Influencing Others
Be clear about your goals in the situation. Have three at least.
Make sure they are connected to your vision.
Pay attention all the time to what the other person says, how
they are saying it and their body language. Your sensitivity
is your only guide to getting what you want.
Have many choices of what you can do.
Find a way to look on the other person in a positive way,
even if only as someone who can teach you patience.
Be clear that the whole situation meets your values and
ethics.A leader needs determination. Not the gritted teeth, stiff
upper lip and bulging veins in the forehead type of deter-
mination – all wasted effort. You need the patience and
concentration of a Samurai swordsman – still, centred,
prepared to circle their opponent waiting for the right time
to strike – or the balanced relaxation of a cat.
I believe we all experience this sort of determination, usu-
ally in childhood, when we have to master many complex
skills that adults take for granted. They leave us to our own
devices in the name of ‘character building’ or they want to
help, but we refuse their advice because we really want to
figure it out for ourselves. For example, when I was four,
I liked solving jigsaw puzzles. My grandparents gave me a
particularly complex one that Christmas. It showed the bat-
tle of Waterloo, although I did not know or care what battle
it was. It showed Napoleon, resplendent in his scarlet and
gold uniform, with what looked like a black, folded paper
boat balancing on the top of his head, desperately gesticu-
lating at his retreating troops. (The puzzle was obviously
made in England and not in France.) Horses, canons and
foot soldiers milled around him in the smoke. I liked the
picture, it captured a kind of heroic despair that appealed
to me. I don’t remember how many pieces this puzzle had,
certainly more pieces than I could comfortably count. This