162 Leading with NLP
others, so while they are clear about their intentions, they are
more interested in the effect of what they do as seen from the
other person’s point of view. They judge communication by
the results.
Also, leaders don’t confuse informing with communicat-
ing. Informing means telling. Communicating means
sharing the message. The message has to be received, other-
wise it is not properly communicated, and that means
putting it in a way the other person can understand. When
you want to be understood in a foreign country, you have to
phrase it in their language (or at least try to). Sign language
and Esperanto only go so far. Leaders don’t use the excuse
‘I told them to do it, but they didn’t!’ This is the equivalent
of the doctor’s classic ‘The operation was a success but the
patient died!’
Leaders don’t blame. They take results as feedback, learn
from them and help others to learn. For example, what hap-
pens when you see someone make a mistake?
Do you punish them?
Do you try to ignore it?
Do you help them so they don’t do it again?
Does it vary depending on who makes the mistake?
Your child?
Your partner?
A work colleague?
Your boss?
And if you have different responses, why?
What would happen if you swapped these responses around?
For example, if you responded to a work colleague’s
mistake as you would to your partner’s mistake?
An acquaintance of mine is very tolerant at work. He’s a fash-
ion designer and many staff depend on him for ideas and
guidance. I know he gives them a very free hand, lets them run
with their own ideas and supports them if they fail. He says this
develops his employees so they work well and enjoy what they
do. He also has a teenage son. He helps his son and gives him