Use these questions to clarify what you’re feeling so you know how to fix it. For
instance, if you want to approach a woman, but have a strong urge not to, ask yourself the
first question...
Q: What exactly am I feeling?
A: Anxiousness. I’m feeling anxious.
Q: Does my behavior indicate I’m feeling this way?
A: I’m avoiding talking to her, I’m procrastinating by looking for the right moment to
approach, I’m thinking of every possible bad outcome that could happen, so yes, my
behavior indicates anxiousness.
Q: What lies beneath these feelings?
A: I feel shame and self-pity, as if I’m not good enough or I’m going to fail. I prefer to
feel safe with my bad feelings rather than take a chance to experience good ones. I
prepare myself for failure instead of success.
Once you have clarification on what you are feeling and what’s behind it, you’re ready
for the next step...
Challenge: To be confident, you have to firmly believe, beyond any shadow of a doubt,
in your ability to succeed.
Life presents challenges, big and small, on a daily basis, and in order to meet these
challenges, we need to free ourselves from fear and meet them head on if we are to
overcome them.
But more than that, we must learn to issue challenges to ourselves. Humans are logical
creatures with brains designed to solve problems. Most of our fears and anxieties are
illogical constructs we’ve created for ourselves. So in order to overcome our fears, we
must learn to challenge them.
Once you’ve calmed down and clarified your thoughts, you can recognize your bad habits
and pinpoint the thoughts or beliefs that cause them. Once that happens, you must
CHALLENGE those beliefs! Write out the three most common thoughts that fire off
your negative feelings and then challenge those thoughts! Carry the challenges with you
on a piece of paper if you must.
For instance, let’s say you’re feeling anxiety over approaching a girl. The first thought
you write down is:
- “I’m not attractive or sexy enough for this woman. She’ll reject me. I need a
better body and more hair on my head.”
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