Now, challenge this thought. Write down everything you can think of that negates it.
Things like:
- “I don’t know what this woman will find attractive, I may be just her type!”
- “What if she doesn’t reject me? What do I do then?”
- “I’m going to lose weight and gain muscle. If she doesn’t like my body now, she
will eventually.” - “Bald men are sexy. I see women with bald men all the time. I don’t need to
have a lot of hair to attract a woman.”
All these thoughts are true, and they challenge your negative thoughts quite well. Do this
for every objection you can think of. Never allow a negative thought to go unchallenged!
Comfort: Too often, we surround ourselves with criticism and comparisons. We like to
call ourselves stupid, fat, ugly, old, and losers. To us, comfort can be a completely
foreign concept. But don’t let the unfamiliarity scare you. Challenge yourself to succeed!
In order to comfort ourselves, we must find the words that appeal directly to our negative
emotional habits that drive our anxiety, and replace them with words that drive our
comfort.
The language of comfort is a phrase or a sentence that you create to become your own
influential statement. You must repeat it every time you need to manage your negative
emotions. I can’t give you this phrase, because it’s unique to each of us. Just like music,
you must find something that appeals to you and your own sensibilities.
For an example, my phrase is “Be cool.” If I find myself getting anxious or riled up
about a situation, I’ll start repeating this phrase in my head over and over. I like it
because its meaning is two fold. I’m telling myself to calm down, but I’m also telling
myself to project “coolness,” or confidence.
What the words you choose mean, in and of themselves, is not important. What is
important is the structure of them – a reminder, a title, a description, whatever it is that
flips the switch in your brain to feel comfort.
Maybe you love to be on the beach and find that comforting, perhaps your phrase will be
“On the beach.” Perhaps there’s a certain song that makes you feel good, your phrase
would be its title. It can even be as simple as “Calm down. It’s no big deal.”
Understand that our brains interpret everything we experience and trigger the emotions
we feel.
Your calm phrase can help your brain to re-interpret your situation and bring about the
feelings you’d rather experience.
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