Chapter 7: Creating Rapport
You need to take time to get to know people and what’s important to them
instead of expecting people to adapt to you and your style. Throughout this
chapter we provide tips for doing just that.
Identifying people with whom you want to build rapport............
By now you may be getting curious about the people around you – those
with whom you work, share a home, or socialise. Perhaps you want to get to
know some key individuals better, such as the manager of a project or your
new partner’s family. Maybe you want to influence your bank manager, or the
recruiter at that all-important job interview.Below we provide a template to help you think about anyone with whom you
desire better rapport. We ask you to write down your ideas to make you stop
and think, and so that you can come back to revisit your notes at a future
date. Good relationships take serious investment – time to build and nurture.
You can see that the questions require you to think about your needs and
those of the other person. Rapport is a two-way street.Sometimes you have limited information about the intended person. If so, use
this situation as your prompt to go out and do your research. Get curious
about what makes that person tick, and who can help you find the information
you need. Maybe you have a friend or colleague in common that you can iden-
tify with the help of a social networking site such as Facebook or LinkedIn.
Is anyone in?
Do you ever meet a new group of people and
then forget their names almost immediately.
Your intention is to concentrate and yet you find
yourself losing focus. Or perhaps you say good
morning to your colleagues and don’t have time
to look them in the face.Robert Dilts tells the story of a West African
tribe and the way they greet each other:
Person A says: ‘I see you [name].’Person B replies: ‘I’m here. I see you [name].’Person A replies: ‘I’m here.’
Try this approach with a friend who’s willing to
play! It just takes a few seconds longer than ‘Hi
there, mate’ or ‘Morning!’ and has the effect of
making you concentrate on that other person
and make a genuine connection.