Chapter 7: Creating Rapport 119
Be aware that when you make a comment to someone, that person may only
notice part of what you say. Consider the following example: ‘The company
has returned £5 million profit this financial year, but we’re closing the San
Francisco operation.’ If you phrase the news in this way, people may only
remember what you said after the word ‘but’. Now consider the following:
‘The company has returned £5 million profit this financial year, and we’re clos-
ing the San Francisco operation.’ Phrased in this way, people may well remem-
ber what you said before and after the word ‘and’.
Find out just how much difference little words can make in your daily commu-
nication with the ‘Yes, but.. .’ game for three or more players.
- Get your friends into a circle.
- Round one starts with Person A offering ‘a good idea’. For example,
‘It’s a sunny day, how about we take the afternoon off and head out to
the beach?’
- Person B replies ‘Yes, but.. .’, and offers another ‘good idea’ in return.
For example, ‘Yes, but we have work to finish.’
- Person C and all the other players offer their ideas in turn, always
starting with ‘Yes, but.. .’. For example, ‘Yes, but we’ll miss lunch.’
- Round two continues with Person A offering a good idea; it can be
the same as in round one or a different idea. For example, ‘It’s a sunny
day, how about we take the afternoon off and head off to take a walk by
the river?’
- Person B replies ‘Yes, and.. .’, and offers another ‘good idea’ in
return. For example, ‘Yes, and we can have a picnic on the way.’
- Person C and all the other players offer their ideas in turn, always
starting with ‘Yes, and.. .’. For example, ‘Yes, and I’ll check the foot-
path map.’
Notice the difference? In spite of the instruction to come up with a good
idea, the use of the word ‘but’ seems to naturally lead the conversation to a
negative place and detract from the original good idea. By contrast, the word
‘and’ builds one good idea upon another.
Understanding Other Points of View
Successful people enjoy the flexibility of being able to see the world in differ-
ent ways. They take multiple perspectives, enabling themselves to explore
new ideas. NLP offers various techniques to help people build rapport in very
challenging relationships, especially where some kind of emotional conflict is
happening. These techniques are also used to explore new ways of building
rapport, even in relationships that are only mildly troublesome or confusing.
