Chapter 18: Asking the Right Questions 285
What do I want?
If one great question comes out of NLP, it’s ‘What do I want?’Sometimes you know very clearly what you don’t want, which is a good
starting point. When you know what you don’t want, flip it over and ask
yourself what’s the opposite. And then check with yourself again, ‘So, what is
it that I do want?’
As you begin to articulate your answers, explore some details and allow
yourself to dream a little. Imagine yourself in the future; fast forward your
personal movie to a time when you have what you want and maybe more
besides. Employ all your senses and ask yourself what that feels like, sounds
like, and looks like? Are any smells or tastes associated with getting what you
want? Check inside with yourself as to whether it seems right. Does it energise
and excite you? If you feel anxious or exhausted, that’s a clue that something’s
wrong.What’s that going to do for me?
When you’ve thought about what you want, and some words and ideas have
come to you, the next question is ‘What’s that going to do for me?’ Perhaps
you have a goal to achieve – to bid for a new business project, take up a new
sport, or quit your work and go trekking in Nepal.Ask yourself what achieving that aim is going to do for you. And ask the same
question three times – really drill down until you hit some core values that
make sense for you. Otherwise you may be choosing to do things that take
you meandering down side roads, instead of staying on track for where you
want to get to.Keith was a successful, high-flying salesman evaluating his performance in
his job. When he first worked with an NLP coach, his priority was to focus on
developing specific skills he needed in place. His primary focus was to pave
his succession route to becoming the next sales director in his company.After a few sessions in which his coach asked him what he wanted and what
that would do for him, Keith delved further into what he really wanted, taking
into account all aspects of his life and work. He realised that if he achieved
this career goal, he would have to give up much of the freedom and flexibility
that his current role gave him. He realised that much of the new desirable
role meant that he’d be commuting into town in the rush hour, and stuck
most of the day at a desk in the corporate headquarters agreeing targets,
budgets, and sorting out the legalities of the company pension schemes. (‘I’d
be like a puppy chained to a desk,’ he said.)