“How far you still remain” replied the scholar, “from the work of the saints.”
“And what is that?” replied the man.
“Legitimate earning and supporting a family.” (Al’Ghazali)There is no room in the mosque of Islamic marriage for selfishness. Self-
centered adab such as the vain spiritism of such pseudo-Sufism as described
above is actually is a form of shirk ( Ash-Shirk-al-Khafi ) that demands
obedience to the self (animal nature or nafs ) rather than Allah and cannot
possibly conform to the deen described. Therefore, one trustworthy sign you
have chosen a good spouse is that they are agreeable to selflessly tolerate your
faults as you strive together to attain the taqua of Islam’s deen.
And among His Signs is this: that He created for you mates from among yourselves,
that you may dwell in tranquillity with them,^ and He has put love and mercy
between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect. (Q. 30:21)This tranquility is manifest as both partners give of themselves and their
substance for mutual benefit and Allah’s good pleasure, and is an extension of
the microcosmic experience of sexual ecstasy, which is true unity as opposed
to the deviancy of fana fantasies. It is reflected as one of the immediate
rewards of connubial bliss where selfishness can take no part in its perfection
unless it is completely and reciprocally balanced. This means that people
focused on the man’s role as provider or as the sole recipient of bliss are a bit
unbalanced by the concrete legalism of ecclesiastic authoritarianism to which
Islam has been subjected, because Allah invites women to not only share this
bliss but also to share in the responsibility of striving with their wealth and
substance in His Cause, as did Khadijah:
"Only those are the believers who have believed in Allah and His Messenger, and
afterward doubt not but strive with their wealth and their lives for the Cause of
Allah. Those! They are the truthful." (Q, 49:15)"Many amongst men reached the level of perfection but none amongst women
reached this level except Asiyah, Pharaoh's wife, and Maryam, the daughter of
Imram. And no doubt, the superiority of Aisha to other women is like the
superiority of Tharid to other meals." Sahih Al-Bukahri, vol. 4, #623