216 Who Do You Think You Are?
responsibility and ask themselves, “How can I respond differently now?”
This usually changes the dynamics of an otherwise predictable outcome.
It opens up all kinds of other possibilities within the relationship.
My other advice is, “don’t compromise your true self.” People
often feel challenged by this one initially because most of us were taught
that life is all about compromise. My theory is that the moment you
compromise that which you know to be true deep within you, the next
emotion is resentment. If you can find a way to look at a situation so that
you do not feel compromised, and you don’t feel that resentment, then
you’ve changed it by changing your perception of it, not by compromising
yourself.
Let me give you an example of this. Let’s say there’s a couple,
and the man and woman have completely different tastes in music. The
man loves hard rock, and the woman absolutely adores folk music. They
go to each other’s concerts, and one time, the man turns to his wife and
says, “You know, I really hate folk music. I don’t like it. I don’t like the
people. I just don’t like anything about it. I’m not going to compromise
anymore. I’m not going to go to these anymore.”
Well, she keeps on going to his rock concerts and he’s stopped
going to her concerts. So one day he asks her, “Why are you still going to
my rock concerts?” She says it’s because she absolutely loves being with
him when he’s in his joy, and he is truly in his joy when he’s at a rock
concert. He thinks about this for awhile, and he thinks, Well, maybe I
could try that at a folk concert. So, he goes with her to her next folk
concert with this new perception. He goes thinking, I just want to watch
her having fun and appreciate her having fun. And at this particular event,
he has a really good time.
He is having a good time because his perception has shifted. He’s
moved from a point of “I am being affected by something I don’t like” to
“I am now in charge and looking at this a different way. As a result I am
no longer compromising.” He is then being true to a deeper desire in him
for her to be happy, so there is no reason to feel resentment. I fully believe
that if you are feeling compromised, either find a different way to see
the situation and be with it, or don’t do it at all. Resentment is destructive
and serves no one unless you learn something from it.
Finally, and ultimately, what I discovered is that you are the “brass
ring.” Whatever you’re seeking isn’t somewhere “out there” outside of
yourself...it’s already within you. Once you discover, acknowledge, know,
feel, and truly understand that you are the gift that you are seeking, all
the other troubles of the world will fall away.