Keep Talking
Ye p , y o u ’ v e g o t t a k e e p t a l k i n g. W h e n t h e r e i s t r o u b l e a f o o t , i t ’s
talking that will get us out of it. When we are going through
bad patches, it is talking it out that will see us through. When
we are optimistic and excited, it is talking that will help our
partner share it.
If we aren’t talking, there is something wrong. If we aren’t talk-
ing, what are we doing? Talking helps us understand, listen,
share, communicate.
Lots of people assume that silence means there’s a problem,
something wrong. Of course, we don’t need to fill all the
silences, but there are some pretty basic rules of etiquette
when it comes to talking to each other:
- Acknowledge that your partner has spoken to you—and
no, a grunt or a sigh isn’t what I mean. - Make some recognition every few seconds that you are
still awake, alive, in the room, interested, paying atten-
tion—this may be a nod, a yes or no, a noise of
encouragement (hmm, oh). - Be aware that talking is part of your duties as a lover/part-
ner, and you should be good at it. - Good talking leads to good sex—if you aren’t talking, you
aren’t flirting, holding hands, seducing. By talking, we are
committing the act known as foreplay. - Talking helps resolve problems; silence only amplifies
them. - Talking keeps you together—it’s what you used to do
when you first fell in love, remember?