BOK_FINISH_9a.indd



These four types of down-cycle could variously be associated with what the
mystics call the Dark Night of the Soul. They are unavoidable, as the “living death”
must occur for resurrection of the “spiritual” bodymind. All must enter the Dark
Night, perhaps many times during the cyclical process of evolution. “He who is
not twice born will not ascend to the Kingdom of Heaven.”
The deeper one goes into a Die-off, the greater the resurrection. Similarly the
more one “allows” the influx of spirit phase during the heart expansion, the deeper
one goes into the Die-off. The Die-off is either acute or chronic depending on the
person and phase of awakening. It happens after the Influx of Spirit, as the flesh
transmutes there is a Die-off of the conventional conditioned structures. For every
influx of spirit, there is an accompanying catabolic breakdown of the former pupal
body or Die-off. Only those people that have the kundi flow up the spine, and
the experience of extreme bliss/influx or massive “opening” events are going to
Die-off. Die-offs are distinct periods of catabolic breakdown in which there is no
operative ego, other than that which is sufficient to drag one off to the bathroom
when appropriate.
By the Die-off I am not meaning a near death experience. It feels more like
a bacterial infection is consuming one’s body, but there are no bacterial type
symptoms or smells. A Die-off is mostly blissful, but at points there can be extreme
pain as well. There is a hyper awareness of all the damaged parts of the body...it’s
like the damaged parts are being eaten. There is slight nausea, but it’s mostly a case
of not being able to get out of bed, for the three or more days. All one can do to
make it to the bathroom and drink water. This is the body bottoming out so it’s
not a highly conscious condition. One doesn’t get subtle level insights, the mind is
in a mild hallucinated state and not available for normal egoic function. There is
internal music, voices, sounds and lights, coupled with a pervasive sense of Grace.
When the Die-off is over we feel a new lease on life, much more so than a simple
recovery from illness.
In the degree of holiness of experience I have found that a Die-off is the runner-
up to the Inner-conjunction. Mainly because it is the cessation of “doing” and the
enforced relinquishment of the dominance of the ego. Eventually this is willingly
chosen because any division between bodymind-soul becomes increasingly obvious
and painful. My intuition is that the ego cannot handle love, and in actuality the
ego loves fear. Eventually this is penetrated and seen as self-defeating. For the love
that we give is the love that we are, and the love that we are is that which we can
receive from others.
Die-offs can be acute where you are in bed for 3-6 days, or chronic - what I call
walking Die-offs, where you can still get around but you have the distinct sense of
being eaten from the inside out. During my two awakenings I had several walking
Die-offs and 3 acute Die-offs. The first of my Dark Nights was the implosion
event several weeks after my spontaneous awakening in Dec 1988. This peak of the
down-cycle was one night of extreme panic; electrical and energetically intense as
the blissful spontaneous awakening had been. Similarly the energy was pouring up
my spine threatening to blow my head off, but I was in abject terror not bliss. This