176 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
and a simultaneous readiness to move forward, illustrative of the dual process
model (Stroebe & Schut, 1999, 2010)
In a study examining young adults’ reactions to personal losses/deaths,
Stein et al. (2009) found that bereaved young adults who described their loss
as “discouraging their strivings” experienced higher levels of depression.
Their findings suggest that meaning-making strategies that protect plan-
ning and future goals are related to less distress among young adult grievers.
Similarly, in another study of 500 young adults who suffered the death of a
loved one (including spousal loss), researchers found that “survivors who are
able to make sense of the loss in personally meaningful terms experience fewer
symptoms of complicated grief” (Neimeyer, Baldwin, & Gillies, 2006, p. 735).
Consistently, higher levels of meaning-making (especially benefit finding) and
positive identity change are associated with lower levels of complicated grief.
For these bereaved young adults (some widowed), strong continuing bonds
with their loved one were predictive of less distress (Neimeyer et al., 2006).
Although neither of these studies examined only death loss, with so little
research on young bereaved spouses, the results may be extrapolated.
Technology is changing bereavement experiences. Young and Caplan’s
(2010) study was done through an online dating service, demonstrating that
widowed men and women are using the Internet as a way to connect and form
attachments with other young adults. The Internet provides: (a) anonymity
so that the bereaved can control how much information about him or herself
that he or she is willing to share with others, (b) an absence of traditional gate-
keeping processes which prevents interference from family and friends, (c) a
higher degree of control over relationships, (d) finding others online who have
had similar experiences so that the bereaved can be validated in his or her
experience with bereavement and recovery from loss (Gilbert & Horsley, 2011).
These technological connections allow people to connect across geographical
and demographic differences with others who may be similarly isolated.
Because young adults are “digital natives” (Prensky, 2001) and comfort-
able with websites such as Open to Hope (www.opentohope.com), the Internet
provides popular sites for younger bereaved people. The Internet offers oppor-
tunities to explore and understand experiences with loss in a safe, caring, and
online community. Open to Hope was created by two psychotherapists and
was designed to empower the bereaved and to help each person to feel heard
and understood (Gilbert & Horsley, 2011). Most young adults are active with
social networking and are using Facebook, Twitter, blogging, and other social
media to maintain connections with the deceased and to grieve with others
who share their experiences. The “off time” quality of these losses means that
other young adults in their “nonvirtual” communities may not have experi-
enced any losses such as theirs and technology allows them to find others who
share similar losses.
Another pertinent issue for widowed young adults is dating, also asso-
ciated with technology in this era. Dating can be a conflicted and difficult
issue due to the changes in social norms since the young adult last dated.
Further, loyalty to one’s deceased spouse may add complications. The idea
of loving someone new can evoke a range of feelings from a signal that one
is healing and ready to move forward, to a perception that this is a betrayal
of the marriage (Walter, 2003). One young widow was conflicted at first