178 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
resources within the lesbian community” (Deevey, 1997). Bent and Magilvy
(2006) describe lesbian culture as being hidden within mainstream society. The
experience of bereaved lesbian partners is not well understood and “cannot
be extrapolated from the male experience with HIV-related deaths (Bent &
Magilvy, 2006, p. 448). Four qualitative studies of lesbian women who have
lost partners (Bent & Magilvy, 2006; Deevey, 1997; Walter, 2003; Whipple, 2014)
documented the theme of disenfranchised grief. Whipple (2014) examined the
narratives of 25 lesbian widows and found that these young adults encoun-
tered legal and financial discrimination throughout their bereavement experi-
ence, including during their efforts to create funerals and memorial services.
Dansart and Stevens (2013) report that bereaved lesbian partners felt
invisible because of unacknowledged or silenced relationships, disempower-
ment by family or church/faith, and dissonance between legal progress and
social acceptance. In Walter’s (2003) study, one 32-year-old lesbian partner,
Pauline, lost her 26-year-old partner in a tragic automobile accident 5 years
into their committed relationship. The most difficult aspect of Jean’s death was
that it was not acknowledged—Jean was seen as a good friend and roommate,
but not a life partner. However, Pauline found that when she risked telling oth-
ers outside of her lesbian network about their relationship, she received sup-
port that she never expected. Yet both Jean and Pauline’s parents dismissed
the nature of their relationship. Both women were young adults and the death
was very sudden, creating a possibility for more complicated grief, made all
the more likely by lack of support. Bent and Magilvy (2006) found that when
the lesbian relationship was not disclosed, bereaved women received more
negative support (they define this as exclusion from support) which led to
hurt feelings and affected bereavement.
The ways unmarried partners (gay or straight) were excluded from impor-
tant roles in rituals were associated with less resolution to their grief (Bent &
Magilvy, 2006). Both Walter (2003) and Bent and Magilvy (2006) concur that while
positive support from the community is important and encouraging, it is impor-
tant to emphasize that the unpredictability of support may be stressful in itself.
This unpredictability of support affects many unmarried partnerships, and may
complicate the grief of the surviving partner. We believe that romantic partners
in committed relationships likely grieve much like married partners; however,
much of their healing will be defined by the level of social support they receive.
Young adults do not expect to lose their partners in young adulthood and
the loss is out of sync or off-time. However, most young adults seem able to be
resilient and move forward both professionally and personally. Memories and
continuing bonds provide a source of comfort.Nondeath Losses
Parental Divorce
Parental divorce is often experienced as a loss by young adults even if they are
no longer in the household. Scabini and Cigoli (2004) found that young adults
(who are usually undertaking new responsibilities) identify the major source of
pain after parental divorce to be the loss of the parents as a stable point of refer-
ence. Gender differences were apparent in the ways individuals projected into