7 Young Adulthood 185Stanley, & Markham, 2009). Since one-half of all divorces occur within the first
7 years of marriage, these early years are high risk. Especially for new moth-
ers, depression is also more likely to occur during the transition to parenthood
(Shapiro & Gottman, 2005). Regardless of sexual orientation, and even when
neither parent had given birth physiologically, the first year of adoptive par-
enthood shows declines in relationship quality for all parents, with women
generally having experiencing decreased feelings of love toward their partner
(Goldberg, Smith, & Kashy, 2010).
Examining relationship, personality, and couple factors in 29 lesbian
couples, this same decrease in love and increase in conflict was found in a
prospective, short-term longitudinal investigation (Goldberg & Sayer, 2006).
Similarly, O’Neill, Hamer, and Dixon (2012) found that lesbian couples expe-
rience the transition to parenthood much as heterosexual couples do as they
changed their focus from their relationship to their child. They differed from
heterosexual couples in that they had to deal with heteronormativity and the
“queering of parenthood” as they coped with boundaries related to the sperm
donor. Family members’ unease with the method of conception also played
a role in the couples’ relationship. At a time when the couple needed more
support from extended family, lesbian mothers felt they were subject to feel-
ing “judged, invisible or scrutinized by others such as asking who the real
mother was, or how the participants had become pregnant” (O’Neill et al.,
2012, p. 47). Despite the challenges of the transition to parenthood, lesbian
couples felt their relationship was strengthened through their shared experi-
ences and appreciation for one another.
Goldberg and Smith (2011) examined how both internalized and societal
stigma effect the mental health of lesbians and gay men during the transition
to parenthood through adoption. They found that higher perceived neighbor-
hood acceptance and lower internalized homophobia were related to lower
depressive symptoms, while higher perceived workplace support, family and
friend support were related to lower anxiety symptoms. Furthermore, gay and
lesbian couples who live in states with unfavorable legal climates regarding
gay adoption experienced the sharpest increases in depressive and anxious
symptoms.
In Goldberg’s (2012) book about gay fathers and the transition to parent-
hood, she discusses the questions and issues straight parents never have to
consider such as: (a) How important is it for each partner to have a biologi-
cal tie to the child? (b) Will both partners legally be able to adopt their child?
(c) How will their lives change now that the presence of a child has made
their relationship more visible to society? A striking psychological finding
in 40 gay couples who had conceived their children via surrogacy was that
fathers reported greater closeness with their families of origin and heightened
self-esteem as a result of becoming parents and raising children (Bergman,
Rubio, Green, & Padron, 2010). Gay fathers reported greater satisfaction with
their couple relationships than heterosexual couples.
Goldberg (2012) found that the gay men she interviewed were comfort-
able working out who would stay at home versus who would work based on
their wage earning ability, comfort with children, and comfort with not work-
ing in the paid work force. During their transition to parenthood, some couples
experienced a reversal of rejection from family members who became more