218 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
down his goals to meet the needs of individual clients. These career adjust-
ments and analogous adjustments as family hopes give way to realities are
forms of loss.Intervention
Roger (2013) found that midlife adults who lost parents needed help to focus
on their intrapersonal resources. Their results suggest that the ability to find
and maintain a sense of meaning while also making use of close, sustaining
relationships is linked with more positive adaptation to this loss. Hamama-Raz
et al. (2010) corroborate the use of meaning-making and purpose-finding as
methods for coping with the pain and fear of loss after the death of an adult
child. We can extrapolate from such findings that losses of all types may ben-
efit from interventions designed to help midlife adults recognize the meaning
they make from their lives and how relationships help to create that meaning.
This fits with their developmental stage, which demands that they reassess
their purposes and re-dedicate themselves to their future.
Cacciatore and Flint (2012) found that midlife parents coping with the
loss of an adult child benefit from the creation of ritual and meaning-making
as they attempt to heal from this difficult, life-changing loss. Ritual helps par-
ents maintain bonds with their child, offers a sense of control, and provides
a way for parents to move toward growth by honoring and memorializing
their child. Parents who feel unsupported in their ongoing grief may mourn
privately (Cacciatore & Flint, 2012). Bereaved parents often hide their pain,
believing that it is so intense that others are unwilling to share it (Oktay &
Walter, 1991). This reaction is similar to the isolating shame and concern about
being judged that occurs among survivors of suicide.
Practice with bereaved people in midlife should include seeking creative
ways to engage them in creating stories of their loss, using metaphor, symbol,
and ceremony (Cacciatore & Flint, 2012). Practitioners can encourage the cre-
ation of death rituals early in the grief process, capturing important memories
and mementos that may help in coping with the loss over time. At a time when
generativity is valued, helping bereaved midlife individuals to create some-
thing lasting is likely to assist coping.Readings
I Lost My Cousin
Judy Catterton
I grew up in the Washington metropolitan area; graduated from the University of
Maryland with a degree in English; attended law school at the American University. After
over 30 years practicing law—first as a prosecutor, then in private practice with a focus in
criminal defense work—I retired to the Delaware shore. I am currently engaged in creative
writing and painting. I am married and have one son, one brother, and two cousins. I lost
one cousin to AIDS and one to cancer. My essay is dedicated to “lost” cousins.