244 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
as they may feel more comfortable coping with the time at home, as well
as have experience with having involvement with community and/or reli-
gious activities.
Conflicts can emerge around turf issues if both partners are at home at
the same time. Anna (2014) reported that many women secretly objected to
having someone around the house all day, sharing space that they considered
to be more of their own. Other women felt irritated by questions about where
they were going whenever they went out of the home. Negotiation between
spouses and partners is a critical task of marriage. Sometimes this negotia-
tion might result in each partner discovering a part-time job or a volunteer
experience that will remove them from the home for part of the week. For oth-
ers, carving out physical space that belongs to each partner provides a solu-
tion. For others, relationships bloomed amid retirement changes. For couples
who have worked different shifts most of their married life, new excitement
about being together more frequently can result in a positive adjustment to
retirement. For most couples, however, it is a combination of both positive
and negative experiences that comprise this transition. If relationships are
to survive during this adjustment phase, flexibility and compromise on the
part of both partners are essential. Finding a new balance of togetherness
and personal space is critical for growth during this period. Although Bill’s
wife (reading at the end of chapter) was worried about his retiring and being
around the house all of the time, Bill quickly found other opportunities (both
paid and unpaid) to keep himself challenged and working with colleagues he
enjoyed.
Another issue that emerges for couples during this phase is being out of
sync with regard to the retirement cycle. Conflict may arise when a (younger)
woman is ramping up her career at a time when her spouse wants more time
for travel and leisure time activities. Other conflicts arise when one partner
is busy with participation on boards and committees and is irritated by the
partner who stays at home and is content to watch TV. The increasing num-
ber of women involved in the workplace over a longer period of time may
impact this. Increasingly, a partner or spouse may wish to retire early, but
have a partner or spouse of a similar age who (for varying reasons) may
want to continue to build and nurture his or her career well into their 60s and
70s. This phenomenon may increase marital conflicts over work/retirement
issues. Bill (reading at end of chapter) and his wife worked to find activi-
ties they would enjoy together, including travel and participating in a local
lifelong learning center where they take courses and day trips with other
retirees. Universities are catering to the needs of boomers who are looking
for lifelong learning opportunities and the chance to maintain activity in a
community (Freedman, 2014). Universities and community colleges across
the country are designing lifelong learning centers for adults at low costs
(Freedman, 2014).
Even so, there are indications that most couples find this period of being
out of step with one another to be manageable. When partners support one
another’s goals, activities, and interests, they can find new respect for one
another and the strength of their relationship. Negotiation and open commu-
nication of hopes and fears seem to be keys in navigating a time of uncertainty
for both partners.