9 Retirement and Reinvention 245
Changes in Relationships With Friends
Friends are important throughout life but become especially precious in the
third quarter of life (Trafford, 2004). During middle adulthood, adults are
usually too preoccupied with raising children, working on (or out of) a mar-
riage or partnership, and working to pursue friendships. Although most
adults made friends wherever they were living, time was generally scarce for
intimate friendships. Friends who lived at a distance or who were from an
earlier stage in life tended to drift. During the third quarter of life, the adult
has more leisure time available to cultivate relationships with friends—either
with or without a spouse/partner. Research has documented the importance
of friendship to health, mental health, and longevity (Levine, 2005; Trafford,
2004). During the third quarter of life, when the adult becomes more vulner-
able to loss due to death of one’s spouse/partner and parents, and/or devel-
opment of a chronic or life-threatening illness, close friendships can provide a
buffer to stress and pain. During this stage of life, friends can become a substi-
tute for family who may be slowly disappearing.
For adults whose workplace provided their friendship network, there
must be a critical readjustment. Although an adult can stay socially involved
with some friends from work, it is not easy to stay connected with friends
who must still work. Deepening friendships or developing new friendships
outside the workplace becomes increasingly important, as these relationships
can often substitute for colleagues (Schlossberg, 2004, 2009). There are many
ways that adults can expand their friendship network—through travel groups,
educational groups, retirement communities, leisure time pursuits, and volun-
teer activities.
This may be a time when friendships are important but do not go well
and the adult can experience emotional pain which can be reminiscent of ado-
lescence (Schlossberg, 2004). Some adults find that they are not part of a social
group to which they aspire and suffer feelings of loss and even shame. Others
may recognize differing needs and move on to other activities that can offer
new friendship possibilities. Reinvention can be a rocky road which can dis-
rupt relationships with family and friends. It is significant that when it comes
to reinvention, friends and family may try to push retirees to hold on to older
identities and discourage risk taking (Ibarra, 2003). Sometimes colleagues and
mentors can also hinder the adult in his or her transition process by discourag-
ing movement toward new goals. To make a break with the past, an adult may
need to move into new social and work-like situations. It is often strangers
who are best able to help the adult who is in the stage of reinvention (Levin,
2005). The adult needs to grieve the loss of friendships that no longer meet
certain needs and welcome new relationships which can foster new emotional
growth.
Changes in Relationship With One’s Community
During this reinvention stage of life, many adults explore community opportuni-
ties. The face of community volunteerism is changing with the baby boomer gen-
eration contributing in meaningful ways to society, whether through a part-time
