Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan, Second Edition

2 Perinatal Attachment and Loss 47

Likewise, helping the perinatally bereaved anticipate that future pregnancies

are likely to be fraught with reminders of the loss can help them recognize and

manage anxiety if that comes to pass.

READINGS

Disenfranchised Grief Following Negative Childbirth Experiences

Rumyana Kudeva

Rumyana Kudeva is a New Jersey licensed clinical social worker in private practice.

She has provided outpatient counseling to children, families, and couples in the past

7 years. She specializes in providing counseling to women during their childbearing

year, treating perinatal mood and anxiety disorders and posttraumatic stress disorder

due to childbirth. Rumyana received her bachelor’s and master’s degree in social work

from University of Sofia, Bulgaria and is in doctoral studies in clinical social work at

the University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia. Her clinical and research interests are

in women’s mental health, feminist studies, grief and loss, posttraumatic growth, and

narrative theory.

Introduction

When we talk about grief and loss during the postpartum period people

usually think about childbirth complications resulting in the death of the

baby. In my clinical research and work, I have encountered many women’s

stories of loss and grief even after seemingly uncomplicated childbirth. In

fact, I might have never become sensitive to those stories were it not for the

grief that washed over me after the birth of my second son. This type of grief

is complex and multilayered; it encompasses not only the objective charac-

teristics of a birth gone not as envisioned, but also the subjective realm of

the lived experience of childbirth and the way the woman imagined her role

in the birth of her child.

Nevertheless, due to women’s ambivalence, the grief is often

unacknowledged and denied by broader society. Comments such as “at

least you have a healthy baby” leave women silenced and invalidated in

their grief. Cultural norms and technocratic views of childbirth as means to

a baby and not a rite of passage into motherhood can leave women feeling

belittled and even blamed for having unrealistic expectations (Davis-Floyd,

1992; Kitzinger, 2006). The disenfranchisement of new mothers’ loss by

society leaves no room for grieving which can lead to unresolved feelings

and isolation (Doka, 2002).

Furthermore, the disenfranchisement by others is often internalized

and becomes self-disenfranchisement, which leads to feelings of shame and

guilt for having negative feelings toward the birth of their child (Doka, 1992).