70 Grief and Loss Across the Lifespan
on responsibilities in the home, and be held responsible for one’s behavior.
Although few recognize these many small losses as worthy of mourning, it
may be surmised that the steady accumulation of these losses contributes to
the frustrations and temper tantrums of toddlers and preschoolers. When par-
ents are sensitized to these losses and learn to help interpret them to their
children (“Now that you are a big girl, we are not going to laugh when you act
that way”), it helps the child recognize the changes in ways that allow them to
process the losses more easily.Birth of a Sibling
Another typical maturational loss that deserves mention is the abrupt loss of
the caregiver’s attention at the time of a sibling’s birth. The child (hopefully) has
been the “apple of the parent’s eye” to that point and has received undivided
attention and care. When a sibling is born, the infant or toddler is abruptly
moved to the side while family members and friends come to fawn over and
bring gifts to the new baby. The older sibling may have been looking forward
to having a brother or sister, only to experience a new wish that the baby would
disappear. Reactions to this type of loss sometimes include attempts to get
parental attention with poor behavior, developmental regressions, or overt
aggression toward the new baby and others. Providing reassurance of care and
nurture is critical to helping the child process the grief of losing the parents’
sole attention and finding ways to accept the new baby (Faber & Mazlish, 1998).READINGS
First Time Dads
Geoffrey L. Greif
Geoffrey L. Greif, PhD, LCSW-C, is a professor at University of Maryland School of
Social Work. [email protected]Parents have to separate from their children at some point. For one father, a
memorable form of separation began when he could no longer bring his tod-
dler daughter into the locker room to change her out of her wet bathing suit
because some men complained about a girl in the men’s locker room. A boy
would not have presented the same conflict for them, he assumed. That required
him to change her in a more public area or to prevail upon a trustworthy look-
ing woman to assist his daughter in the women’s locker room. He wondered if
women would have complained if a mother changed her toddler son in their
locker room. It reminded him that fatherhood was different from motherhood.
A man arguably reaches adulthood when he becomes a father for the
first time and has ushered the next generation into the world. This transition
can be an exciting time of life and present him with a number of challenges