their sexual script, as a preference. An even smaller percentage will find that they really
like it, enough to make it a requirement of sexual conduct, and a tiny fraction will find
that they can be aroused only through this behavior.
In that way, sexual behavior is rarely an either/or proposition—either you like it
or you don’t. Most people experience it a little bit, but they don’t make it the defin-
ing feature of their sexual identity.
One doesn’t experience sexual identity as something you fashion deliberately from
the cultural norms of your society. In fact, your sexuality is more likely to feel more
“natural” than any other facet of your identity—perhaps even deeper than your sense
of masculinity or femininity. Sexual identity refers specifically to a coherent organi-
zation of sexual desires and behaviors. (Sociologists rarely use the term sexual “pref-
erence” because that term denotes too much individual choice and not enough
“natural” predisposition.)Heterosexuality and Homosexuality.Typically, we understand sexual identity (or,
sometimes, orientation) to refer to an identity that is organized by the gender of the
person (or persons) to whom we are sexually attracted. If you are attracted to
members of the opposite sex, you are presumed to be heterosexual; if you are
attracted to members of your own sex, you are presumed to be gay or lesbian. If you
are attracted to both, you are bisexual. For all these orientations, the organizing
principle is how your gender contrasts with or complements the gender of your
potential partners.
Worldwide, the most common sexual identity is heterosexuality,sexual behavior
between people of different genders. Heterocomes from the Greek word meaning “dif-
ferent.” (Typically this means men and women, but in cultures with three or more gen-
ders, it could also mean that sex between a man or woman and someone of that third
gender.) In most cultures, heterosexuality is considered “normal,” which means that
it is seen as occurring naturally. In most cultures, heterosexuality is also “normative,”
meaning that those who do not conform to it are often seen as deviant and subject to
sanction. Although it is seen as normal, heterosexuality is learned within culture.
Although our sexual behavior may have very little to do with the institution of
marriage, we typically understand heterosexual behavior only in relation to marriage.
As a result, surveys often list only three types of heterosexual behavior: “premarital”
(which takes place before marriage); “marital” (sex within the confines of a marriage);
and “extramarital” (sex outside the confines of marriage). Even if a college student,
for example, doesn’t even think about marriage when deciding whether or not to have
heterosexual relations, it will be understood as fitting into one
of those three categories. (To be more accurate, we use the term
nonmaritalinstead of premaritalelsewhere in this book.)
The term homosexualityrefers to sexual desires or behav-
iors with members of one’s own gender. This comes from the
Greek word homo, which means “same.” As we have seen,
homosexuality has been documented in most cultures, but some-
times it is praised, and sometimes it is condemned or even pre-
sumed not to exist.
Whether you are gay or lesbian, heterosexual, or bisexual,
sounds straightforward: Gay men and lesbians are attracted to
members of the same sex, heterosexuals to the opposite sex, and
bisexuals to both. But again, sexual orientation turns out to be
far more complex. Many people who identify as heterosexual
engage in same-sex practices, and many who identify as gay
engage in heterosexual practices. Their identity is derived from
the people and institutions around them and assembled into a322 CHAPTER 10SEXUALITYSexuality is about both behav-
iors and identities, but they
are often difficult to separate.
The current “don’t ask/don’t
tell” policy on gays in the
military discriminates only
against the behavior—you can
be gay as long as you don’t
tell anyone or do anything
about it. n