38 | http://www.nationalreview.com OCTOBER 30 , 2017The Long View BY ROB LONG
IN THE
MATTER OF:Sylvia Trench
Tatiana Romanova
Honey Ryder
Pussy Galore
Kissy Suzuki
Dink
Tiffany Case
Chew Mee
Plenty O’Toole
Solitaire
Holly Goodhead
Octopussyet al.V.James BondThe above-named plaintiffs—
and others to be included at a later
date—allege that in separate in -
stances the above-named defen-
dant, James Bond, repeatedly
made unwanted advances upon
their persons, in locations includ-
ing public areas, private hotel
rooms, corporate-jet interiors, ski
slopes, and hollowed-out volcano
hideaways. Further, plaintiffs
claim that defendant refused to
accept their demurrals, would not
take “No” for an answer, and in
some instances used his consider-
able latitude vis-à-vis License to
Kill etc. to coerce, intimidate,
blackmail, and relentlessly pursue
the plaintiffs into unwanted situa-
tions.
Plaintiffs allege that defendant
utilized the full powers of theBritish Secret Service to entice—
via threats and promises—each
plaintiff into acquiescing to acts
and services beyond the normal,
expected bounds of business
behavior. In several instances,
defendant made extensive use of
complicated gadgetry—provided,
again, by HM Secret Service—to
aid in the unzipping of dresses,
the converting of chairs to reclin-
ing mode, the X-ray-vision pene-
tration of bikini-type swimming
costumes, and in some extreme
cases the unwanted detaining and
non-consensual imprisonment of
plaintiffs in small submersible
vehicles, cramped space cap-
sules, armed automobiles, and
first-class Pull man cars.
HM Secret Service Quartermaster,
“Q,” is also named as a co-defendant
in a separate filing.
In multiple depositions, defen-
dant is described as arrogant, old-
fashioned, and “very full of
himself.” In multiple depositions,
it is recounted how the defendant
intimidated and threatened his
way into inappropriate physical
contact with the plaintiffs.EXCERPTS:
PLAINTIFFKISSYSUZUKI: “At
first I couldn’t believe it. He was
actually wearing fake eyelids, I
guess to look more appealing to
someone of Asian descent, but
the truth was, it was incredibly
offensive. I kept looking around,
waiting for the hidden cameras
or whatever, but then it hit me
that this was an actual arranged
fake marriage! I was just so
offended and creeped out by the
whole thing, and I’ll be honest, I
almost didn’t go through with
the mission. That’s what he
called it, by the way. ‘The mis-
sion.’ But he knew my boss, and
what could I do?”PLAINTIFFDINK:“I have a name,
you know. An actual name. It’s
Deborah, not that he ever asked. I
went to college and studied art his-
tory and I really thought that he
wanted to talk to me because I
know something about the malle -
able properties of gold and gold
leaf, but the minute we got to the
cabana and he closed the curtains
it was just, ‘Hey, honey, massage
this. ’”PLAINTIFFHOLLYGOODHEAD:
“He’s a pig. I’m not going to sugar-
coat it. I had to go to outer space
with the guy—ugh! I can still smell
his cologne, Floris or something,
yuck! And we’re trying to save the
world or whatever, and he’s got his
hands all over me and he’s making
all of these awful puns and arching
an eyebrow and just when I thought
it was all over, he reminds me that
he not only has a license to kill—he
shows me his little Beretta and I
was like, I’m supposed to be
impressed by that?—and then he
starts firing lasers all over the place
and I’ll admit it, it was a giant let-
down because, okay, yes, I thought
working with him would be good
for my career, because he’s a leg-
end, right? Who in their right mind
wouldn’t want James Bond as a
mentor? But that’s when I found out
what his definition of ‘mentor’ is.”PLAINTIFFPUSSYGALORE:“He
insisted on calling me by this
absurd and demeaning name. It is
not my name! My name is Peggy.
At first I thought he was just mis-
hearing it. Later, when I realized
he was deliberately calling me
this—I’ll say it—sexist name, I
was like, Hey! I’m at work, okay?
This is my job! Please show me
the respect and courtesy I’m
owed. But of course none of that
worked. He was just such a jerk.
I’ll bet he didn’t even notice that
I can actually fly a plane!”Text