relationships
JAN/FEB 2018 MARIECLAIRE.CO.ZA 51
t was a month after I’d met Jason, and
I was in a panic. With just R32 in my
bank account and about five days to go
before payday, he asked me if I wanted
to join him and his friends at a wine
farm for the day.
I‘ve always been hopeless with
money. I spend every cent I have
because I know there is more coming
my way in due time (note to self: never
freelance). If I have R500 left in my
bank account and payday is tomorrow,
chances are I’m on Superbalist looking for whatever I can
get for that amount.
You may be judging me for this, or perhaps you have
the same habit. Either way, it didn’t bother me while
I was single. But as soon as I entered into this relationship,
I suddenly became insecure about my ‘irresponsible’ ways.
Needless to say, I gave some made-up excuse as to
why I couldn’t join him, whereas had it been a friend
who invited me, I would have just said, ‘I can’t, sorry, I’m
broke’ without hesitation.
So I decided to investigate why money is such a touchy
subject in a relationship by consulting psychologists, and
chatting to a few women, some I know and some I don’t,
all in committed relationships or married. And here is the
funny thing, which clearly illustrates the point I’m trying
to make: these woman all wish to remain anonymous
because money, and money matters, are scary enough that
nobody wants to talk about them publicly.
According to a 2017 poll taken by Money Mag, 70%
of married couples argue about money more than any
other subject – say, his snoring or her working too
late. But couple therapists and clinical psychologists
Janine and Robert Boulle say their clients don’t come in
because of money issues per se, but rather because of
communication struggles.
‘Often, couples will come to us because they notice
something in their relationship is amiss. They come to us
for clarity. We help them communicate better to find this
clarity. And, often, money is an underlying complication
without the couple even knowing it is,’ says Janine.
‘Couples tend to avoid difficult topics such as finance,
leading them to therapy because the unspoken issues
create a divide between them, undermining their
relationship,’ confirms Robert.
So, what is it about money, exactly, that makes it so
difficult to talk about?
‘My boyfriend and I live together; have a shared bank
account and a dog. We speak openly about how much
money we have or don’t have. He knows I have credit-
card debt. I know he has too. I tell him when I’m broke
and have only so much in my cheque account,’ says one
of the women I speak to. Sounds healthy enough, right?
‘What he doesn’t know though,’ she continues, ‘is that
said account is in overdraft. I worry he will see that as