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Reveal or Conceal?
wet in the night, we could come up to the house and help ourselves.
We thanked him again, and he walked away, quickly disappearing in
the darkness. I liked him immediately, as did my husband.
It was not until the next morning as the dancers entered the arbor
that I realized it had been Maurice, Carolla’s elder brother and the
Sundance leader. I was impressed again by his humility and by the
gentle but quietly self-assured manner in which he maneuvered the
dancers into their places. As it happened, the spot in the arbor where
we set up our chairs and my grandson’s playthings was next to the
drummers’ enclosure by the western gate. Over the next four days, I
scrutinized Maurice carefully, as he alternately sang at the drum and
danced. I grew increasingly comfortable and familiar with his kind de-
meanor and mischievous sense of humor. Maurice would periodically
catch my eye and make a face, tell a joke, sing a “goofy” song such as
“They Call Me Billie Jack,” or deliberately throw off the rhythm of
the other drummers by modifying his beat. He was a natural come-
dian and had a way of putting everyone around him at ease. At the
same time, it was evident he was highly respected by all in attendance,
and there was little doubt about who was “in charge.”
As I had done in Merritt, I listened, watched, and participated in the
Sundance as a supporter, helping my friends meet their commitments
in any way I could. Intermittently, Maurice sought us out to “check
in,” he said, to ensure there was “nothing we needed,” and I began to
feel that if I were ever to dance, I might do it there. In fact, everything
seemed to be moving me in that direction. On the final day, however,
following the ceremony when they called the “pledgers” to the tree to
make their commitments for the next year, I did not join them.
Several weeks later, I visited Carolla; and while we sat drinking tea
and chatting, the subject of the Sundance came up. I was, I told her,
“apparently” incapable of making a decision about whether to take
part in the Sundance. After I spoke, we sat for several moments in si-
lence before Carolla said, “You need to pray about it. Just pray about
it and you’ll know. Pray about it and start your preparations. So, if
you’ll decide to do it, then you’ll be ready. Just pray about it and ask
for guidance.” For several months thereafter, I drove to the reserve
every Sunday morning to participate in the preparations and sweat-
