Barbara Wilkeslodge ceremonies. I acted “as if” I were going to dance and learned the
songs and the protocols, the stories and the history of this Sundance
and participated in the semiannual fasts. I got to know the women
and men who had already pledged. I actually began to feel fairly com-
fortable about my potential participation.
As Carolla had suggested, I spent my time in the sweat lodge pray-
ing and waiting patiently for an answer. I had no idea what form such
an answer might take, nor, indeed, whether I had missed my answer
not knowing what form to expect it in. Despite Carolla’s assurances
that an answer “would come,” I was beginning to doubt that would
be the case. It seemed that no matter what activity I engaged in, the
single question, whether to dance or not, remained foremost in my
thoughts. Then, one night, I had the following dream.
It was a lucid dream, one in which the dreamer is aware she or he is
dreaming. It was as if I were standing outside of myself at the bedside
and watching myself sleep. At the same time, I felt as if I were fully
conscious of my thoughts inside and outside the dream. As I slept,
I heard a voice, sharp and insistent. I could not grasp the words, or
comprehend their meaning, but recognized they were spoken in Black-
foot, which I could not comprehend at the time. The voice was calling
me. Whether it was calling me by a “name” or simply “calling” to at-
tract my attention I could not tell. I mumbled, “Leave me alone. Go
away. I’m tired. Just leave me.” But the voice pressed me to acknowl-
edge it. I made up my mind to ignore it, and so continued to say as
earnestly as I could, “I am too tired to bother.” Ultimately, it became
clear the voice would not leave me alone. So I rolled over in my sleep
toward the sound, and there, at the edge of my bed, to my astonish-
ment (even in my sleep), stood a golden eagle. It spoke to me then in
English and simply said: “Come with me.”
I was frightened and tried to roll away, vehemently explaining that
while “I would like to go” it was impossible. I was too weak and
too tired to follow. In the dream I remember thinking, “This is really
crazy.” It is simply not possible that I am lying here in my own bed,
with my husband lying beside me (I could see him in the dream but
do not know why I did not try to wake him), and speaking Black-
foot! English! To a golden eagle! Its presence was inescapable, and