October• 2018 | 53READER’S DIGESTTOOL NO. 2 YOU ARE IN
CONTROLOFHOWYOUREACT
here will be many times when you
will need to call on your inner re-
sources to be strong and brave. You
have to accept that you can’t outrun
negative feelings. You have to con-
frontthem,oralignyourselfwith
these feelings.
Whenyoureactimpulsivelyyou
giveyourpoweraway.So,when
someonereallyupsetsme,Imen-
tallyholdupashieldwithamirroron
thesidefacingthem,toprotectmy-
self and demonstrate that it is about
them,notaboutme.Oneofthemost
useful pieces of advice given to me
is that you can’t affect how people
act towards you, or change certain
events,butyoucancontrolhowyou
reacttothem.Youcan’tchangethe
directionofthewind,butyoucan
change the direction of your sails.
Itishowyoureacttoyourcircum-
stances that determines how you
enjoyyoursololife.Myownsitua-
tion has shown me that hard times
toughen you up. he grit in the oyster
makesthepearl.So,whenthingsgo
wrong–andtheywill–imaginethem
asaseriesofcurtainsthatyousweep
asidetorevealastronger,wiser you.
TOOL NO. 3 BE WARY
OF SOCIAL MEDIA
Withtechnologyyouareneverre-
ally alone unless you choose to be,
but somehow loneliness feels more
acute and poignant in this switched
on, screen-illed, connected society.
Ican’tbetheonlypersonwhofeels
pangsofenvy,sadnessorFOMO(fear
ofmissingout)whilelookingatsmug
FacebookpostingsasIsitathome,
alone,onaSaturdaynight.
IjustknowthatIamnotthatlucky
person laughing in the bosom of a
jollyfamilygatheringorsoakingup
the atmosphere in Paris with my hus-
band.Blocktheersatzfriendsand
usetechnologyproactively,Skyping
or emailing friends or joining a vir-
tualcommunityyouareinterested
in.Thinkaboutwhatsocialmedia
adds to or detracts from your life and
cut your cloth accordingly.TOOL NO. 4CREATE AN
ANTI-LONELINESS TOOLKIT
Know what triggers the feeling of
lonelinessforyouanddevelopstrat-
egies accordingly. Sometimes lone-
liness lances through you, triggered
byacouplewhisperingtogetherin
a restaurant, or coming home to a
darkandsilenthouse,orwhenno
one meets you at the airport, or just
being alone for a weekend. It’s difer-
ent for everyone.
Workoutwhatmakesyoufeel
lonely,thensetaboutdevelopingtac-
tics to avoid those situations, or brace
yourself and deploy your anti-loneli-
ness toolkit.
hinkoflonelinessasadoorthat
opensontootherthingsthatwill
make you feel better. What’s behind
that door is very personal, and what