“IF SOMEONE TRIES
TO SEND YOU ON
A GUILT TRIP,
IT DOESN’T MEAN
YOU HAVE TO
TAKE IT.”
their needs or protecting them from feeling bad; they
need to participate in the dialogue.” She recommends
suggesting compromises, such as alternating homes
every year, or finding other ways to divide responsi-
bilities more evenly.
Dr. Hurst agrees, although she admits that holiday
negotiations can be especially fraught with frustra-
tion. She suggests dealing with your own emotions
first, especially if you’re angry or frustrated, so that
you’re bet ter able to approach ot her people f rom a ca r-
ing place with the intention of expressing your feel-
ings, not judging behaviour. “It would be nice if people
always accepted our decisions to create boundaries,
but t hat doesn’t a lways happen,” she says. “ If someone
tries to send you on a guilt trip, it doesn’t mean you
have to take it. Sometimes people are going to be upset
with you and that’s their choice and their responsibil-
ity, not yours.”PLAN AHEAD TO MANAGE
YOUR TIME
Before you even have a chance to accept any invita-
tions or agree to a hundred extra requests, Dr. Sota
recommends taking a moment to consider what it’s
going to take to create a healthy balance during the
holidays. “Go into the season thinking, ‘OK, what’s
this going to look like? If I say “yes” to this event, how
can I do something self-restorative for me? What will
my downtime be, and how can I ensure that I give
myself a cha nce to do the things I wa nt to do? ’ Ma king
this intention and acting on it sends a message to
yourself that you’re important, too.” She suggests
adding moments of respite to your to-do list to care
for – and reward – yourself, without feeling guilty
about doing so.W hen you sta r t to feel burdened a nd resentf ul, it ’s a
sign that you’re saying “yes” to more than you’re com-
fortable with, says Dr. Hurst. “Self-managing is about
setting priorities and asking yourself, ‘Do I have the
time and energy to do this? Is it worth the extra
ef for t? ’” W hen your ca lenda r sta r ts to look out of con-
trol, she suggests booking things for after the holi-
days. “I personally plan all my work get-togethers for
after Christmas,” she says. “Why not make a plan to
celebrate the new year or spring?”REMEMBER WHAT MATTERS
Holiday gift giving is a perfect breeding ground for
feelings of guilt and inadequacy. A friend arrives at
your door with a big, beautifully wrapped box and you
quickly discover that she spent far more than you did
or – the horror – you didn’t get her anything at all. It’s
the stuff of nightmares, but it doesn’t have to be. We
often take far too much stock in gift giving, says Dr.
Hurst. Sometimes you just need to be practical about
it: Maybe you don’t have the budget to go overboard,
and maybe there are other ways you can show people
you care about them.
“Gifts aren’t necessarily an accurate indicator of
how you feel,” she says. “If someone gives you a gift and
you have nothing to exchange in return, accept it gra-
ciously. You could then give the person a kind, loving
thought instead or put it in a thank-you card after the
fact.” She a lso suggests ma king a plan to do something
nice for them another time and to remember that peo-
ple often just enjoy gift giving and don’t actually
expect anything from you at all. “The most important
thing is to hold on to the intention of the season,” she
says. “ That includes ex pressing ca re for the people you
love, and there are many ways to show that.”EMBRACEIMPERFECTION
In today’s society, people are taking on a lot of extra
responsibilities all year long, not just over the holi-
days, says Dr. Tracy. When they inevitably fall short,
some people may feel guilty. “Some of us want to do
ever y thing, but obviously that ’s impossible,” she says.
“If our sense of self is based on the feeling that we
need to accomplish everything, then we will never be
satisfied.” The solution, she says, is to focus on the
things that are most important to you and to do those
things well. “Decide that it’s OK to not be the perfect
chef,” she says. “Instead, you’ll be the parent who
plays ga mes w it h her k ids. T hen don’t feel g u i lt y about
not being the perfect chef. Look at this other great
thing you did that’s more important for the kind of
person you want to be.”30 DECEMBER | JANUARY 2018 best health besthealthmag.ca