A SELF-
SABOTEUR?
NAH. NOPE. NOT EVEN.
AUTHOR AND ‘NO’ EXPERT SUSAN NEWMAN PROVIDES A CRASH
COURSE IN NU-UH.1
AUDIT YOUR YESES. If you are a yes
person, counting how many times you use
the word ‘yes’ in a week will shock you. The
real gauge of whether your yes quotient is over
the top is how pressured, time-poor or resentful
you feel. Any negative reaction – Why did I agree?
What was I thinking? What am I doing? I don’t
want to be available, I would rather be elsewhere- is a sign you’re at your threshold.
2
MANAGE YOUR TIME. If most of your time
is monopolised assisting one friend, when
will you see other friends? If family or job
demands are high, what’s left over for your own
enjoyment? When your time is well managed,
you’ll keep some in reserve for what’s most
important to you.3
SHUFFLE PRIORITIES. Who has first crack
at you without your feeling burdened or
anxious? A partner? A child? A friend? A
boss? Write down who you want to get first dibs
(hint: numero uno should be you).4
SET PARAMETERS. Draw a line around
your space, time and generosity. This
imaginary line will keep other people’s
problems and obligations out and preserve your
energy and wellbeing (a bit like a Tupperware
container). Consider how much of other people’s
problems you can tolerate without feeling drained.
How long are you willing to put up with one-way
friendships with you always on the giving end?
Decide how personal you’re willing to be and
what kinds of requests make you uncomfortable.
On the physical side, when does your stamina
expire? Which requests are too taxing? To stay
healthy your body and mind require rest, and if
you don’t set limits you won’t get it.5
DELEGATE SURPLUS WORK. When you
don’t trust others to be in charge or to get
things accomplished, you wind up agreeing
to and doing far more than your share. Eliminating
the need to run things yourself to be sure they
turn out the way you like relieves much of the
pressure you put on yourself.Self-sabotage is most likely to
get its grimy mitts on areas of
life that matter most such as
work, home and health. Check
yourself against these common
scenarios.
You don’t finish tasks and talk
yourself out of completing, or
even starting, things.
» You set yourself up for failure
by getting overly excited about a
project only to feel helpless and
overwhelmed by it.
» You deny the possibility
of solutions other than the
one you’ve come up with,
potentially at the expense of
a breakthrough.
» You trot out negative self-talk
such as ‘I can’t do this’, ‘it’s just
too hard’, ‘it’s too much work’.
» You procrastinate and pile up
unfinished projects.
» You have habits such as poor
attendance or lateness.
» You have a pessimistic attitude
and victim mentality