December 2016 | MensHealth.com 931 / Anthony Weiner: Lust Seriously?
You had one job, man. One job! Stop
sexting! How hard is that? Nobody
wants pictures of your junk! (And no,
“How hard is that?” is not an invita-
tion.) Heed the old saying: “Fool me
once, shame on you; fool me twice,
take away this jackass’s phone.”
One more thing: Next “comeback,”
maybe don’t invite a camera crew.2 / Chris Christie: Gluttony During
a campaign stop, the New Jersey
governor told an Omaha fifth grader
that crappy school lunches are just
fine, adding “I don’t care what you’re
eating.” Tater tots and processed
cheese soup: helping to build tomor-
row’s Chris Christies.3 / Heather Bresch: Greed The
CEO of the pharmaceutical giant
Mylan—which brought in $9.45
billion in revenue in 2015—helped
jack up the price of the lifesaving
EpiPen, a 400 percent increase since- It’s great news for kids with
peanut allergies who didn’t want
their stupid college savings anyway.
4 / Ryan Lochte: Pride It’s not just
that the Olympic champion lied
about being held at gunpoint after
he and his buddies vandalized a
Rio gas station. It’s that he was so
sure he could get away with it.5 / Internet Trolls: Envy These guys
harassed Ghostbusters star Leslie
Jones for having the audacity to be
a successful, funny black woman
who’s done more with her life than
they could ever dream of. Back to
the basement, anonymous losers.6 / Roger Ailes: Sloth Among the
many accounts of sexual harassment
by this former Fox News CEO was
his Jabba-like move of reclining on
a couch and exposing his genitals,
which his female target described as
resembling “red...raw hamburger.”7 / WikiLeaks: Wrath In its oh-so-
righteous campaign for transparency,
some of its data dumps included
medical files and financial records of
hundreds of innocent people. Makes
us nostalgic for the days of shredders.Worst
Sexting Trend
Dirty Emojis HD on
Android and Sexy-
mojis on iOS. We
already know, thanks
to a Match survey
from early 2015, that
singles who regularly
use emojis are more
likely to have had sex
in the previous year.
Now they have a
wider range of explicit
emojis to express their
dirty thoughts. If the
thought you’re thinking
of texting can only be
con veyed via a yellow-
ball face with a realistic
vagina, then maybe
you should keep that
thought to yourself.Bromance of
the Year
Donald Trump and
Vladimir Putin. We’re
not saying these guys
spend their weekends
shirtless on a horse,
whispering things to
each other like, “I’m
nefarious? No, dude,
you’re nefarious.”
But really, it doesn’t
take a lot of imagina-
tion to picture it.second chance at uri-
nating while standing
and maybe (maybe!)
having sex someday.
Manning’s doctors are
“cautiously optimistic.”Lamest New
Sex Product
Deodorant for smelly
scrotums. Yep: Fresh
Balls, Dry Goods,
and Comfy Boys are
designed to mask
the toxic ecosystem
allegedly thriving in
your pants. These are
not your father’s or
grandfather’s testi-
cle deodorants. That’s
because your father
and grandfather didn’t
use testicle deodorant.
Don’t believe us? Ask
them. And take a video
of their reaction for us.23456ILLUSTRATIONS BY KYLE HILTONA MORTIFYING UPDATE FOR 2016. GOOD GOD, PEOPLE!17Ray Tang/REX/Shutterstock (Assange); GETTY IMAGES: D Dipasupil/FilmMagic (Weiner), John Lamparski/WireImage (Ailes), Harry How
(Lochte),
Jon Kopaloff/FilmMagic (Jones), Jessica Kourkounis (Christie), Chris Goodney/Bloomberg (Bresch), Rimglow (banana), Peter Zijlstra (meat),Babur Saglam (gun), motttive (cartoon faces), Dario Lo Presti (doughnut), lcs813 (blank iPhone), Yvdavyd/Getty Images (fries),AmyKerk/iStock (EpiPen)BEST HEALTH
BREAKTHROUGH
Pharmacogenomics! (Break it
down, sound it out.) Here’s the
deal: Soon your doctor may be able
to check your genes to see how
you’ll respond to meds, and then
tweak the dosage accordingly.
The Mayo Clinic is trying it
in people with prostate
cancer and coronary
artery disease.December 2016 | MensHealth.com 93