1 / Zika the STD The CDC
confirmed that the Zika virus is
sexually transmittable. And not
by having unprotected sex with
mosquitoes. We’re talking about
relations between consenting
humans without stingers. Con-
gratulations on becoming the
STD we can’t believe we have to
worry about now.2 / Toxic Water Remember
when bad water was just a Flint,
Michigan, problem? From the
sewage-filled bays of Rio’s Olym-
pics (and its green diving pool) to
the lead-laced liquid turning up
in schools from Ohio to Oregon,
it was a year when soda could be
sold with the tagline “Probably
safer than what’s in your faucet.”
3 / The Chicken McGriddle
This fried chicken patty sand-
wiched between two syrup-
infused pancake buns was
test-marketed in central Ohio.
For breakfast. It could be worse,
right? It could’ve been a bag
of white flour poured directly
into your mouth, followed by
a punch to the kidneys.4 / Pokémon GO While in pur-
suit of invisible characters on
their not-so-smartphone, play-
ers have fallen into ditches, gone
temporarily blind, plowed their
cars into pedestrians, stam-
peded in mobs through city
streets, and even died. It’s like
a zombie apocalypse, but way
more personally embarrassing.TRUE, THERE’S NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR
ITSELF. OH, BUT ALSO THIS STUFF.Weirdest Trend:
Male Genital
Oversharing
Whether it was
Donald Trump’s tiny,
incomplete manhood
on life-size nude
statues, or celebrities
like Usher and NBA
All-Star Draymond
Green “accidentally”
posting photos of their
schlongs on socialmedia, we learned a lot
this year about famous
penises that we didn’t
actually want to know.
Did Adolf Hitler have a
micropenis? We don’t
remember asking,
but the Internet was
abuzz this year with
questions and theories
about der Führer’s
penile situation.Most Surprising
Surplus
U.S. dairies have truck-
loads of cheese and
no buyers, thanks to
European competitors
and a strong dollar. But
the USDA has invested
in the cheese surplus,
spending $20 million
for about 11 million
pounds. What will our
scrupulously thrifty
government do with it?
Our guess: The new
$20 bill won’t just have
a new face on it, it’ll
now be printed on a
tasty new material.Best Excuse for
Public Nudity
When Belarusian
president Alexan-
der Lukashenko said
in a speech that his
citizens should “get
undressed and work,”
it was probably a slip
of the tongue. (“Get
undressed” sounds
very similar to “develop
themselves” in Rus-
sian.) But the people
of Belarus took their
leader at his word,
creating the hashtag
#getnakedandgotowork
and posting nude
photos of themselves
(with their naughty
bits cleverly con-
cealed) on Instagram.1243The Great
“Unfriending” of
the Election Year
If there’s one thing the
two sides could never
agree on this year, it
was which presidential
nominee was more
evil. Whether you were
pro-Donald or pro-
Hillary, you lost a few
Facebook friends in
the carnage.Most Surprising
Comeback
O.J. Simpson. A doc-
umentary and a 10-
part docudrama for
a trial that ended two
decades ago? Did
the glove fit this time?Least Surprising
Comeback
Biggest Loser weight.
Several former con-
testants on the NBC
reality show gained
back some or all of the
weight they’d lost on
the show, and a few
of them even packed
on a fresh new layer of
flab. So this is how
we find out that reality
television isn’t real?Least Convincing
Argument for Why
2016 Sucked
It was a big year for
celebrity deaths, for
sure. Muhammad Ali,
Prince, David Bowie,
Arnold Palmer, Garry
Shandling, Merle
Haggard, and Gene
Wilder...and even Abe
Vigoda, who’s been
erroneously reported
as dead every year
since 1982, actually
died this time, at 94.
But the deaths weren’t
2016’s fault. People
die and will continue
to die every year;
some will be famous.
Except Dick Van Dyke.
He’ll outlive us all.GETTY IMAGES: DutchScenery (waste drum), andriano_cz (Zika), Brozova (brown water),Inhauscreative (zombie), Pakphoto (mask), Mario900 (Poké Ball), Catherine Lane/iStock (Pokémon)WORST FOOD
TREND
Hybrid fast foods! We’re talking
mac and cheese with a Cheetos
dusting, chicken fries, Whopperritos,
grilled-cheese stuffed-crust pizza—
the drive-thru horror has reached
gut-defying proportions. Once
novelty items, these caloric
catastrophes are now
mainstream.