Reader's Digest

July• 2018 | 115

READER’S DIGEST

seated at my elbow. She would protect

me. I was certain of that.

Later I saw a face peek around

the curtain. Nicole. I wanted to leap

out of bed and embrace her but all I

could do was lie there like a beached

whale. It’s unsettling to have your

children see you so vulnerable and

for a moment I felt desperate. Almost

ashamed.

I had always presumed my daugh-

ter saw me as a igure of strength as

someone who would protect her. I had

a sense of having let her down. Of dis-

appointing her.

She leaned over and kissed me. “Oh

Dad” she said. “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too” I said sounding like I

was chewing on a mouthful of rubber

bands.

Although I was thrilled to see her I

remember the precise time of Nicole’s

arrival because I was so famished. I

hadn’t eaten for two days. It was just

past noon and it appeared as though

they had forgotten me again. I asked

Nicole if she would fetch the nurse. I

wanted to know why they were star-

ving me.

Meanwhile I turned to Pat. “Have I

ever told you about that time in Paris

when I passed out from hunger?” I

couldn’t get over the sound of my own

voice; I was mangling words as they

stumbled of my tongue.

“Yes” she said “several times.”

“hen I won’t tell you again” I tried

to joke. “I don’t want to repeat myself.

You might think I’ve lost my mind.”

oftheroom.Anursetoldme“Ifyou
need assistance just press the buzzer
on the pillow. Someone will come.”
I don’t know what kind of magician
sheiguredIwas.Icouldn’treachthe
buttonandevenifIcouldIlacked
thestrengthtopressit.
Patstoodattheendofthebed
shouldershunchedtryingtocon-
sole me. “Nicole will be here tomor-
row”shesaid.“She’lldropofFlora
at school and catch the 10.30 ferry.”
Nicole was our daughter an ar-
chaeologistwholivedwithherpart-
nerIainandtheirdaughterFlora.
Iyearnedtoclosemyeyesand
sleep.IcouldseePatwasanxiousto
gethomefacingarainycommutein
rushhour.ButIthinkshefearedshe
wouldbeabandoningme.
FinallyIsaid“Go.Please.Ineed
to sleep.”
As she kissed me my head lolled to
onesideandIwatchedherthrough
my eyelashes. She looked so so tired.
henshewasgone.

I Started to Cry

My sleep was interrupted by people
taking my blood pressure my pulse
my blood. I was made to sit up and
swallow several pills. When Pat ar-
rived mid-morning of the next day
I woke up torn between panic and a
huge sense of relief. Panic because
the stark reality of what was happen-
ing was finally beginning to sink in
and relief because my most reliable
connection to the outside world was