GQ South Africa — May 2017

48. Eat plenty ofibre.
    Dean Martin
    maintained that
    the key to his
    happinessinhis
    last years was not
    fame, money or
    his friendship
    with Frank
    Sinatra, but
    the massive
    bowel
    movements
    he had every
    morning.

MAY 2017 GQ.CO.ZA 79

50.Enjoyevery

sandwich.

40. Never sleep with
    acrazygirl,no
    matter what she
    looks like. You
    learn the hard way
    that it is just not
    worthit–usually
    when she is
    standing in your
    driveway at 4am
    spray-painting ‘I
    hate you’ on your
    neighbour’s car.

41.Nevertrustapolitician,

aprostituteorsomeone

whowantsyoutochange

your mobile phone, energy

plan or true love for

absolutely no charge. here

is always a charge.

42. Never

drink at

lunchtime

unless it

is some

kind of

celebration.

39. If you do not

have regular

orgasms, you

will die. Your

prostate gland

will assume

that you have

no further

interest in the

human race

and it will rise

up and smite

you down.

When the

coming stops,

the breathing

is never far

behind.

43. Stun

them with your

talent. Dazzle

them with your

genius. Never be

half-hearted.

Never be

lukewarm.

Attempt to

knock every

ball out of

the park.

44.Routineisgood.Routinesetsyoufree.

Routine gives structure to the unholy

messinessofexistence.Butneverdevelop

aroutinethatyoucan’twalkawayfrom

with ive minute’s notice.

45.Bedecent

andkindtoallthe

people who can’t do

anything for you.

46. Self-pity is
    more destructive
    than heroin.


47. Happiness will
    come and go – the
    important thing is to
    recogniseitwhenit
    is here.


48. You decide if
    you are going to
    succeed or fail.
    Luck does not
    come into it. The
    decision process
    goes by many
    names – creative
    visualisation, the
    power of positive
    thinking, self-
    hypnosis – but it
    all comes back to
    the same thing. If
    you tell yourself
    you are going to
    do something
    well, and you tell
    yourself until you
    can actually see
    yourself doing it
    well, then you will.
    Believe in yourself.
    Do not let
    negative thoughts
    into your mind.
    There will be
    enough people in
    your life who will
    be only to eager
    to underestimate
    you, to put you
    down. Never do it
    to yourself.

ADDITIONAL WORDS BY OLIVER FRANKLIN-WALLIS. ILLUSTRATIONS BY GARETH GREY AN

D OLIVIER BONHOMME